Gas, Air and Rum
by N.J Jordbrukaren
Summary: Shepard gets blackout drunk and wakes up with a naked Liara beside her. Doesn't seem so bad, does it? There's just one problem, Shepard is in a relationship with someone else... Kink Meme fill.
1. The Bean People

**Gas, Air and… Rum.**

**N.J Jordbrukaren.**

_A fill that I half-did on the Kink meme. Here is the request description:_

**_"Shepard gets blackout drunk and wakes up to a naked Liara beside him/her. Doesn't seem so bad, does it? There's just one problem, Shepard is in a relationship with someone else.+Shepard tries to keep it a secret his/her LI  
+Liara gets pregnant  
+lots of baby mama drama"_**

_Woo! Let's get this mo' fo' crackalackin'! :D_

* * *

**Cha****p****ter One: The Bean Peo****p****le:**

_**From: Admiral Hackett**_

_Commander Shepard,_

_I'm ordering the Normandy into dry-dock on the Citadel for much needed repairs. She's seen a lot of action lately and needs a little TLC._

_A small army of techs will take care of the details once you arrive, so let's get your crew out of there. You're all on shore leave: that's an order. We need everybody at their best._

_One more thing: Admiral Anderson has an apartment on the Wards. Head over there when you arrive. I hear it's a nice place._

Admiral Hackett.

Shepard gave the message another once over, her dark eyes squinting slightly as she did so.

"…What?" Why had Hackett ordered this? They were fine! She didn't need rest. "No one needs to rest!"

Garrus peeped his head over the low cupboard he had been rummaging through in the kitchen area. His steely eyes gave the pacing Commander a once over, shortly after which, he concluded that Shepard had yet to realize that she was talking to herself. Again. He closed the cupboard and stood up, knocking his head awkwardly against the upper cabinet as he did so.

He squeezed the tin of… Garrus looked at the object, scrutinizing it closely. Baked Beans…? He thought, positively bewildered by the prospect. How does one bake a bean? More to the point, why would anyone _want_ to bake a bean? He shook his head, looking up to see the Commander staring right back at him.

"Garrus?"

Garrus started a little, shocked by the sudden attention. "I, uhm, Shepard. Are you aware that you were talking to yourself?"

Shepard's eyes searched the room, stopping to settle upon Garrus once more. "Yes?"

The Turian gave her an unsure nod. "Well… okay, then." he frowned as she looked back to her data-pad, effectively blanking him.

"Excuse me, Shepard?" He regretted asking once he had glanced back down to see a sharp frown upon her face. Whatever she was reading was obviously making her unhappy. It took a while for her to acknowledge him again, but eventually she looked up.

"Yes?"

"Could you tell me about Baked Beans?"

Shepard's mouth opened, like she was going to speak, but then she closed it again, her eyebrows furrowing, instead.

"Shepard-"

"-I heard you, Garrus." Shepard tilted her head to one side, nodding slightly. "So, uhm…" She reached forward, pulling the tin out of Garrus' talon. "Baked Beans are beans that have effectively been, well… Baked, I guess." She looked over the tin, noticing the 'dextro' symbol on the top of it. She flashed Garrus a bright smile. "Dextro Baked Beans?"

Garrus nodded in appreciation. "Apparently, so, yes."

Shepard nodded, too. "Whatever will they do next, eh?"

"Who?"

The Commander looked up to Garrus, her frown re-appearing. "Who, what?"

"What will who do next?"

"The Bean people." Shepard shrugged.

Garrus took the tin back from Shepard, lifting it level with his eyes. Shepard could see just by glancing, that Garrus was giving this tin a serious once over. He twisted it every which way, making sure to have seen every possible angle of it. "You mean to say there is a species made up completely of Baked Beans?"

"What?"

"You said _'The Bean People'_. So, there is an entire race of these things?"

Shepard held her hands up in a halting gesture. "Garrus-"

She couldn't stop this train now. Not even if she tried. "And humans eat this? Shepard, that is awful!"

Shepard's expression changed to one of complete mortification. This conversation had gone on for far too long, already. It needed to come to an end. And fast. "Garrus, Baked Beans _are not_ people! They aren't even alive!" That shut him up straight away. "And I don't even like Baked Beans!" Shepard biotically launched the tin towards the entrance of Liara's office, causing it to burst and stick to it. Baked Beans flew out of both ends of the tin, smearing the wall in an orangey-like paste.

A long pause dragged out between them. Nothing surrounded the pair, but silence.

"Well, that answered my next question…"

Shepard sighed, her hands instinctively going to her hips. "What question?"

Garrus looked from Shepard, to the smeared mess upon the wall, and back again. "I was going to ask how you opened the tin."

"Fabulous."

* * *

_Thanks for reading, so far, peeps. I will be updating this further on here, as opposed to on the Kink Meme. I just find the layout easier._

**N.J, out.**


	2. Well, At Least She Appreciated It

**Gas, Air and Rum:**

**N.J Jordbrukaren.**

* * *

**Cha****p****ter Two: Well, At Least She A****pp****reciated It...**

Liara was frustrated.

For the first time in well over twenty-four hours, she had decided to try and get some sleep. Catch some "Zees" as Shepard said. Had that worked out? No. Not in the slightest. Now she lay, flat on her back, in bed, forearm draped over her eyes… yes, not sleeping. It remained as illusive to her as that man. Liara frowned in thought.

What is his name…? The Asari chewed on her lower lip as she pondered it. The Illusive Man, Liara. You Goddess forsaken imbecile. She sighed. And this was what lack of sleep had reduced her to. She lifted the forearm from her eyes, looking over to her workstation. Upon it, lay an upside-down desk tidy/coffee mug with a stylus placed atop it.

Royal blue eyes rolled. Obviously she couldn't have just turned the desk tidy upright, then place the stylus inside it. No, Liara T'Soni had found that exercise too difficult to execute. She would rather (and, in fact, did) spend twenty very tiresome minutes trying to balance to stylus atop the mug, almost crying hysterically every time it rolled off, clattering back onto the workstation.

This was true exhaustion. And that was why her insomnia was so irritating. The feeling of tiredness was there, waiting to be quelled, but her body refused to accept. Well, her mind refused to accept, anyway. She was pretty sure her leg had taken the initiative to doze off.

Liara tried to wiggle her toes.

Yes. That was a lost cause.

Her frown grew deeper. Why did her thoughts always have to become so hectic right before bedtime? The same had always been true of her, right from a young age. Even when she panicked whether she had catalogued her books in the correct order: Alphabetical… when she was a toddler, as Human's would say. Although, Liara would grant that the Galaxies fate was, indeed, unequivocally more important than whether her copy of 'The Little Asari Guide: Goin' Potty!' was in the correct section of her bookshelf, or not.

To be quite honest, it was never just the Galaxies fate on her mind. No. Life could not be that simple, now, could it? Liara looked over to her clock. 5:30AM. Shepard would be up soon, if she wasn't already. A small smile graced her lips. Shepard was always up now. There was no "if" about it. Time did not really have any meaning in empty space, but the Normandy ran on its own schedule. Shepard, supposedly, always arose at 5:30AM, but Liara had learnt that that was actually 5:00AM. Shepard always exercised and showered after waking up. Liara didn't want to ask herself how she knew that, but she did know it, and that was that. Where was the harm in that?

Keep asking yourself that, Liara…

The Asari rubbed her hands over her face. This was hopeless. Sleep eluded her, still. Liara was about to prepare to get out of bed when she heard a loud voice somewhere out in the Mess Hall. She barely caught the tail end of what was being said "-And I don't even like Baked Beans!" She didn't have time to be confused. Something loud and wet slammed against her door, shocking her so much, she tumbled out of bed.

Giving the back of her neck a rub to ease the impact spot, Liara clambered to her feet. Or, tried to, anyway… Her dead leg made it hard. Doing her best, she half stumbled-half dragged herself to the door, opening it.

"Fabulous." Shepard.

She and Garrus were stood not too far from her office.

"Is everything okay…?" Shepard's eyes shot up to look at her. Garrus just looked over his shoulder.

"Shepard demolished my Beans." Garrus sounded genuinely heartbroken. Liara eyed up Shepard expectantly, her eyebrow marking cocked.

The Commander sighed, throwing her arms up in the air. "Garrus, they were only beans-"

"Shepard…" Liara continued to look at her.

Shepard glared at Liara, absolutely incredulous. Who was the Commander here? Last time she checked, it wasn't Liara. And the Asari wasn't her mother, either. No, that would have made some of her private thoughts quite inappropriate…

"What?!" Shepard clenched her jaw when Liara remained unfazed by her question. The pair stared at one another for a few seconds before Shepard sighed, her hands going up in a surrendering gesture. "Fine! Garrus, I'm sorry." She could see Liara still staring at her from the corner of her eye. "Look, I'll make you Turian waffles, or something? Okay?"

Garrus' mandibles twitched. A smile. "Yes!" He turned to Liara, patting her on the back before making his exit. She stumbled on her dead leg, using the door behind her as leverage. In doing so, she accidently put her hand in the bean residue.

"Uhm… my bad. I'll clean that up straight away." Shepard scratched the back of her neck, her feet shifting awkwardly.

Liara dabbed her digits together, testing out the feel of the thick orange gloop. "What is this?" Shepard would be hard pressed not to laugh at the sheer look of disgust on Liara's face, but she managed to suppress the urge.

"Baked Beans-"

"Which you do not like?" Liara interrupted.

Shepard frowned, eyeing the Asari cautiously. "Yeah…?"

"I overheard you, earlier." Giving the liquid another glance. "I am glad it is only, uh… Baked Beans? I originally assumed a Krogan had exploded outside my office." Liara deadpanned, holding her outstretched hands at a distance as she searched for something to wipe them on.

"Here." Shepard grinned as she unzipped her hoodie, tossing it to the other woman. "Use that." Liara was about to protest, but the Commander cut her off. "I have another." Liara nodded and began wiping her hands on the soft black material.

"Thank you, Commander." She tried to avoid looking at the Human. In her tight N7 t-shirt… looking particularly pleasant. Liara shook her head. Stop it!

"Have you heard the news, by the way?"

Liara had no choice but to look at Shepard, now. She felt her heart rate pick up, the heat rising up her neck. She prayed to the Goddess that said heat would not reach her cheeks. Clearing her throat. "News?"

Shepard smirked (that lopsided smirk Liara could never get out of her mind), as she leant against the wall. Liara was struggling. "Word has it that we are being forced into Shore Leave. We're headed to the Citadel as we speak."

Liara frowned, all Shepard thoughts fleeing from her mind. "What? Why? That is ridiculous! We need to work. The Crucible-"

The Asari was cut short as Shepard held a halting hand up. "You are repeating the exact same things I've already said. Believe me, the Alliance have an answer for everything. Apparently, the Normandy needs repairs. I've acquiesced. I'm not happy about it, but needs must, apparently."

Liara snorted and shook her head. Were they insane? The Galaxy was under attack. Who had time for rest?!

"Anyway," Shepard pushed off of the wall. "I'll let you get back to whatever it is you were doing. I have a hungry Turian to feed, apparently." The Spectre went to leave, nearly rounding the corner before turning to face Liara once more. "Hey, T'Soni?"

Liara looked up, confused. "Yes, Commander?"

Shepard pointed in her direction, her lopsided smirk re-appearing. Liara felt her heart clench in her chest. "Nice pyjamas." Shepard gave her a wink before turning the corner, vanishing out of sight.

Looking down, Liara realised her mistake. She was wearing a tight vest and, obviously, no brazier. She felt the heat well and truly touch her cheeks this time. She quickly slipped back into her office, locking the door behind her so she could lean against the metallic surface and slide down it.

Liara could have, and should have kicked herself. Fancy nearly exposing yourself to your Commanding Officer.

"Well, at least she appreciated it…"

* * *

_**A/N: Thanks, again, to those that read this. I know it's a slow moving train, but that's the fun of it right? There will be more to come very shortly. It's already in the pipeline.**_

_**Thanks to my reviewers and so on. You folks are great.**_

_**N.J, out.**_


	3. The Colour Of Ice Is Up For Debate

**Gas, Air and Rum:**

**N.J Jordbrukaren.**

* * *

**Cha****p****ter Three: The Colour of Ice Is U****p**** For Debate:**

"So..."

Shepard looked up from the console situated opposite to Traynor's own in the, now empty, CIC. "So…?"

Samantha could not help but mimic the Commander's infectious smile. "Shore leave, hmm?" Shepard gave her a sideways half-nod, still grinning lopsidedly as she returned to her previous task. Traynor couldn't help herself even if she tried. There was just something so… oddly alluring about Shepard when she was working so diligently… which was constantly. Her fingertips traced over the work surface as she rounded it, pausing behind the taller woman. She gently kneaded the muscular shoulders before her, her head tipping forward to rest against the Commander's back. "It sounds as though there might be a vague possibility for fun somewhere in there."

Shepard rotated on her heel at an incredible speed, catching Samantha's hands mid-air where her shoulders had previously been. She pressed their bodies closer together, revelling in the breathy hitch that escaped her lover. "Only a _vague_ possibility?"

"Well," The smaller woman leant in and up slightly, chasing after Shepard's lips with no success. "With your propensity for danger, that 'near death' element rather overlooks any enjoyment we might partake in together, wouldn't you agree?"

"But, I thought you liked surprises?"

Sam could not help but laugh, giving the Commander a mock-patronizing pat upon the chest. "Not in the form of a bomb in my face, unfortunately, darling."

Shepard frowned, pulling away. "I see…" An orange glow appeared between them as she summoned her omni-tool.

Sam eyed her up and down, confused by her sudden change of demeanour. "Commander?"

She glanced between Samantha and her omni-tool before continuing to input something. "I planned to shove a bomb in your face during our next date, but… since that is apparently _not_ your thing, I might have to settle for something _bland_."

One of Traynor's dark eyebrows cocked as she pressed forward, effectively trapping Shepard in between her curvaceous body and the work station behind them. "Oh? And just what are you planning on doing with me, now?"

Shepard flashed her that lopsided smirk that always drove her heart wild with both love and lust. Placing her hands on the Specialist's hips, Shepard span them around again, switching their positions so, instead, Samantha was now the one pinned. Traynor released a long breath of air as she looped her arms around Shepard's neck, fingers tangling in the other woman's short, choppy, dark hair.

"Who knows?" Leaning in, Shepard pressed a butterfly soft kiss to the corner of her lover's mouth. "A life lived with Commander Dexter Shepard, is a life lived in adventure." She gave Sam a wink and a wolfish grin. "Besides," Shepard moved her mouth closer to her ear, holding her waist tighter as she did so. "It's a lot less of doing something _with _you, and a lot more of doing something _to _you…"

Samantha fanned herself as Shepard pulled away. "When you put things like that, Commander, what has a girl to argue about?"

The Commander tucked her finger beneath Traynor's chin, gently urging her into a soft, longing kiss. "No one argues with me and lives to tell the tale." The pair shared a heated stare for a few moments before Shepard stepped backwards, putting distance between them as she stalked towards the other side of the CIC. "I'm going to change into a fresh set of clothes. I want you out of here by the time I come back down, understood?" Shepard paused as she summoned the elevator. "And, yes, that _was _an order."

Giving her bottom lip a suggestive nibble, Traynor folded her hands behind her back and gave her hips a seductive sway from side to side. "Yes, Commander."

* * *

Much to Shepard's surprise, Traynor had actually followed her order and vacated the CIC by the time she re-arrived. It was… weird, being in the CIC alone. Oddly tranquilizing. It was usually all hustle and bustle, full of noise and people. Then again, the Normandy would not be empty for long. Soon the retrofit team would flood in and have their way with the old girl. And, one would suppose that EDI never really left the ship, either.

"Commander?"

As smooth as the night winds, Shepard turned to face the source of the voice. "Shadow Broker."

Liara smiled, giving a feather light snort. Of course she hadn't managed to catch Shepard out. No one could ever startle her. "I assumed you had left hours ago." She walked over to her, leaning on the beam beside them.

"Unpredictable is my middle name, T'Soni. You, of all people, should know that by now." Shepard shot her a wink.

"And, as the Shadow Broker, I know your _real _middle name. _You_, of all people, should know _that_." Liara mimicked Shepard's wink, forcing a snigger from the human.

Shepard placed a hand on Liara's armoured bicep, urging her away from the beam and under her arm. She then began guiding them in the direction of the cockpit. "Have you been spying on me, Doctor?"

Liara flicked her arm up, playfully slapping the other woman square in the chest with the back of her hand. "Oh, please, Commander. You are an open book."

Shepard laughed heartily, poking the asari in the ribs with a single digit. "I'll take that as a solid 'yes', then."

Liara gave a laugh of her own. Shepard grinned. It was good to see her happy for once. "What kind of Information Broker would I be if I did not have every angle covered?"

"Not a very… _Shadowy_ one." Shepard frowned at her poor attempt at an answer, as did Liara. "What? It sounded better in my head, okay?"

Liara snorted again, reaching up to give the Commander's left temple a light tap. "Perhaps that is precisely where it should have stayed."

"Whoa, whoa, _whoa_!" Shepard gawked, playfully shoving Liara away from her. "Ouch, T'Soni. Ouch…"

Liara shoved her right back, smiling brightly as she did so. "If you play with fire, you are bound to get burnt, Commander."

"I always saw you as more of an _Ice_ Queen…"

"Oh, really?" Hands on hips, the Broker stopped short a few inches ahead of Shepard, giving her a questioning look that made the human stop dead in her tracks.

"Well, yeah… and not just because you are blue."

Liara sighed, palming her forehead. "Ice is not blue..."

"Now you're just being ridiculous."

The asari turned on her heel, walking and talking all at once. Shepard picked up her pace in order to keep up. "Ice is mainly composed of H20, which is water. Would you _really_ consider water to be blue, Commander?"

The Spectre gave her a shrug. "When you put it like that…"

"As I thought." Liara smiled.

"Anyway," Shepard threw her arm back over Liara's shoulders, now guiding her towards the airlock. "Where are you headed off to?"

She gave a shrug of her own, her hands lifting with it. "Nowhere in particular. I simply do not wish to be aboard the ship when all of the engineers come in. Too many questions as to why my office is sealed, you understand."

"I see…" Shepard paused, leaping in front of Liara, both hands on the asari's shoulders to halt her. "In that case, what say you and I go and find some fun for ourselves?"

One of Liara's eye markings twitched in amusement. "'Fun' and 'Commander Shepard' do not really fit together. Someone always ends up either dead or dying."

"Let's change that today, then!" After a small while, the asari slumped somewhat, as if surrendering. She would not get out of this. And, in all honesty, she wasn't that bothered about spending some alone time with Shepard. In fact, the more she considered it, the better the idea seemed. But the Commander did not need to know that. Her ego was big enough as it stood.

"If you insist." The pair continued towards the exit in relative silence, until a burning question finally hit the asari. "Wait, where are you _actually_ taking me?"

Shepard gave Liara her most dazzling smile. "On an epic adventure."

"Goddess above…" What had Liara gotten herself into, now…?

* * *

**_A/N: So, so sorry for the massive delay. University is still kicking my ass. Anyway, thank you for reading. Let me know what you think, so far._ **

_**N.J, out. **_


	4. Spin the Bottle

**Gas, Air and Rum:**

**N.J Jordbrukaren.**

* * *

**Cha****p****ter Four: S****p****in The Bottle:**

"Three…"

"Shepard, are you sure this is wise-?"

"Two…"

"I'm just not sure-"

"One…"

"But-"

Shepard made a strangled noise of protest as her crooked finger slipped beneath the shot glass Liara was holding, steadily urging it up to the asari's mouth. "And, go." Liara tried not to choke on the dark, heated liquid as she swallowed it, frowning at Shepard, who was simply sat there grinning like the Goddess forsaken imbecile she was. "See? Not so bad, now, was it, T'Soni?"

Once composed, she wiped her mouth with the napkin provided, forcing a snigger from her Commander. "Bad, no. Horrendous, yes."

Shepard laughed again, bringing a similar reaction out of Liara. "I will bear that in mind."

"Of course you won't." Liara grinned, watching the Spectre out of the corner of her eye as she grabbed the bottle of… rum, was it? Pouring each of them another shot. "Commander, I do not believe I could face more…" Shepard gave her a look that brokered no arguments. Liara could not help but yield. With those dark eyes upon her, she felt like that was the very least she could do. Not that she did not want to do more. _Oh, stop it, Liara, you perverse simpleton! _

Shepard slid the small glass towards the asari, her big, midnight eyes imploring. Liara sighed. She certainly knew how to sway her. "Please? For me?" Was the Commander… _begging_? Liara chided herself for thinking such thoughts. This bar was hot and her collar felt tight. She tugged on it slightly. Was it getting tighter? Hotter? She sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm herself.

_Maybe try not to think of Commander Shepard begging in future? _

And there she went. _Again_.

"-Down in one, alright?"

Liara was snapped away from her sordid thoughts, if somewhat unwillingly. With a confused nod, she clinked her glass to Shepard's before guzzling its contents, hissing as she felt it seep down her oesophagus. Surprisingly, the taste was beginning to dull. Perhaps this was not so awful, after all? Her gloved hand reached up to rub her forehead. Was everything always this fuzzy?

"So…" Shepard paused as she set out two more measures, only, she did not push them over this time. Instead, she left them where they lay to be embraced at their own pace. Liara well and truly appreciated that. "What's the story?"

Liara's royal blues widened in confusion. That question was far too broad. "The… story?"

Shepard slumped back in the padded, semi-circle booth, looking comfortable and relaxed. Her head dipped a little, her lopsided smirk returning full force as one of her dark eyebrows cocked up. Liara could not help but fall for the mischievous glint in her companions almost black eyes. "You know, _you_ and the _Drell_?" Shepard swiftly downed another shot. She needed every ounce of numbing power possible to even consider broaching this subject any further. "What is the story there?"

Liara did not know how to respond. There was absolutely nothing between herself and Feron. _Nothing. _It was hard to enjoy someone's companionship when you are vying solely for the attention of someone else. She glanced over to Shepard nervously, her hands fidgeting in her lap. "Whatever do you mean, Commander?" Perhaps coy was the way to play this…

"Come on, T'Soni, you're an intelligent asari. Figure it out." Shepard gave her a cheeky wink, unwittingly setting Liara's heart aflame.

"Shepard…"

The Commander took the opportunity to slide the glass of rum towards the asari, seeing her internal turmoil. Liara did not so much as hesitate this time. Shepard watched, smirking as her companion drank it all in one smooth motion, not even sparing a wince.

"I won't force you to tell me." She poured herself another drink, following Liara's example. "It is none of my business, after all." The pair shared eye contact, lasting perhaps a tad longer than it should have. Shepard quickly looked away, three fingers fiddling with the empty shot glass before her. "You're my friend –probably my best friend. If he so much as considers hurting you, I swear to god…" Shepard clenched her jaw tight, revealing the sharp, taut and, frankly, _tempting_ lines of her chiselled chin and face as she poured two more shots, using up the last of the rum. She drank the next just as hurriedly as the first, stunning Liara a little.

"You needn't worry about that." Liara would admit that seeing Shepard this defensive and so… openly _possessive,_ sent a bolt red hot excitement straight to her core. The burning intensity behind the Commander's eyes was so arousing that Liara would be hard pressed not to consider it pornographic. She almost did not want to admit the truth so this would never end. But, Liara T'Soni was not a liar. She would tell the truth, feelings be damned. "Feron and I are not…" She swallowed thickly, eyes trying to look anywhere but Shepard, who was now watching her fixedly. "We are not together, in any way shape or form. I have no interest in him or even _ever_ pursuing anything with him."

The Commander slumped again, dipping her head so that, this time, she could hide that lopsided smirk of hers. "I see."

Liara took another drink. She did not think she could handle much more of this. It was both tearing her apart and fusing her back together with the shear heat of it. "And what of you, Shepard?" Liara watched as the Spectre straightened up, her arms stretching out across the top of the booth. She really wished Shepard had not opted to sit this way. It emphasised every delicious muscle in her arms, shoulders, neck and chest. Liara felt her breath hitch. She reached her hand to her heart to calm herself. She somehow managed to pass it of as soothing herself as the hot rum warmed her chest.

"Me and Feron? Nice of you to ask, but he is _really_ not my type…"

Liara smiled as she rolled her eyes. Of course Shepard would deflect with sarcasm and humour. Without a gun in hand, that was the human's second weapon of choice. And, in all fairness, she _really_ knew how to wield it.

"I won't doubt that for a moment." Liara reached for the glass of rum in front of Shepard, drawing it to herself. She toyed with it, trying to occupy some part of her with anything other than the topic at hand. "But, honestly, Shepard, one would have to be blind, deaf and oafish not to notice that there is at least _something_ going on between yourself and our resident Communications Specialist." One would also need to not have access to the dozens of Shadow Broker video feeds scattered throughout the ship, but Liara would glaze over that little titbit for now.

She watched as Shepard laughed somewhat nervously. It was endearing, in its own odd way. "Ah, yeah. _That_." The human grinned, the hand not so temptingly close to Liara's shoulder reaching up to awkwardly scratch at the back of her neck in that typical Commander Shepard fashion which she loved so dearly.

After downing her final finger of rum, Liara was feeling some small modicum of bravery. She twisted herself within her seat so that she was fully facing the Spectre, her arm coming up to rest atop Shepard's own upon the backrest of the booth. The human made no move, or effort to stop her. That was a positive signal, was it not? "Pray tell, then." Liara's eyebrow marking cocked, her eyes glinting with amusement as her lips tried (and failed) not to twitch upwards.

Shepard frowned inwardly. Was she… _flirting_? No, she couldn't be. This was Liara. Doctor T'Soni. The asari who, once upon a time, did not know her boot from the butt of her rifle. Shepard snorted softly at the memory. Simpler times, of course.

"Ask and I shall endeavour to fill you in." She grimaced slightly at the accidental double entendre, privately chastising herself for harbouring such sordid thoughts. Oblivious in not knowing that Liara was also entertaining such wishes.

"Are you avoiding the question, Commander?" The naughty glint in Liara's eyes became naughtier still. Shepard sighed. This was far harder than needs be. They were supposed to be having fun and letting loose, not tightening up and soliciting sexual tension. Hard, indecent and heated sexual tension the likes Shepard had never encountered before…

"Perhaps a little, Doctor." What was she doing, reciprocating like that? If she could have, she'd have smacked herself. Liara's cocked eyebrow, lip biting and smirking was only making things increasingly more difficult.

Liara gave the arm of Shepard's under her hand a playful pat or two. "Well, _don't_. Remember who I am."

Shepard laughed heartily. "Who _you _are? I'm Commander Shepard! And… are _you_ threatening _me_?"

Liara smirked again as she raised her hand to summon over another waiter. "Perhaps a little, _Spectre_..."

"You are dead meat, T'Soni."

She only replied with a wink of her own before turning to face the waiter. "May I help you? Also, may I remind you that all drinks have been made free for the both of you this evening, courtesy of the manager." He smiled down at them, maybe a little too much. Shepard had to bite her finger not to laugh in his poor, poor face.

"Thank you." Liara smiled. As always, positively reeking of nobility. At some stage tonight, Shepard needed that gone. And no, not in the way she fantasised about _oh so_ much. The human watched as Liara spoke with the man, not hearing her over the sound of the music thumping all around them. He smiled once more, giving them both a nod before powering off back to whence he came.

"What did you order?"

"I've had yours, now you must have mine." Perhaps Liara did not mean that to come out quite the way it did. Sounding so… shameful. Or, perhaps she did. She was feeling out of body, so it was semi-hard to judge coherently.

And, right now, neither of them was sure how this was going to end…

* * *

Shepard was not sure when it had happened, but, somehow Garrus, Tali, Joker, EDI, Kaidan, James, Zaeed, Samara, Miranda, Jack, Steve, Jacob, Kasumi, Wrex, Javik, Legion and Grunt had materialized out of the blue, joining them at their, now incredibly cramped, booth. Liara felt a pang of loss at not being alone with the Commander anymore. That being said, with the amount of people crammed about their table, Shepard's front was now pressed deliciously against her back.

_What was the human expression? Every cloud has a silver lining? _Liara covered her smirk with her glass. Yes. And what a large silver lining this had turned out to be. With the Commander's arm still resting upon the back of the booth beside them, Liara could almost feel as though Shepard was holding her.

"Whose turn is it, then?" Joker looked about the large group, eyeing everyone up suspiciously as he passed his judgement.

A series of voices declared that Shepard was, in fact, the next victim of their hijinks, forcing a gentle laugh from her which flowed through Liara's hearing canal like a spoon through only the finest of Thessian honey.

James reached forward, spinning the bottle in the centre of the table.

Shepard immediately palmed her face after it had ceased all motion. _Of course it would have to have landed on Liara… _

"Truth or dare?" She could see the evil grin on the pilots face. _Everyone_ could. This would, apparently, be the making or breaking of her.

"I'm Commander Shepard, you couldn't possibly dare me to do anything worse than what I do on a daily basis, Flyboy." Shepard tipped her beer bottle in his direction, toasting him in the thin air.

"Alrighty, then…" Joker squinted, looking about the group, once more. He already knew what he wanted to do. He just needed not to make it so glaringly obvious. He stopped on his target, his bearded face splitting into a full blown smile, green eyes gleaming with unspeakable joy. "Make out with the person to your _left_."

Shepard did not have to look to know that that was _Liara_. She stared at Joker, murder in her eyes and a challenging smirk on her face. The boy was so incredibly transparent. She could read him like a book. A book that was about to have its spine torn asunder.

"C'mon, Loco, it's just a game!" James flashed her a wicked wink. Shepard pouted. She could see the beaming smiles on all of Kasumi, Miranda and Samara's faces. And she was sure that Tali was laughing behind her helmet, if her shaking shoulders were anything to go by, anyway.

The Commander turned to look at Liara, who was stuck having a glaring contest with Joker. When the asari realised Shepard was watching her, she immediately turned to face her, offering a nervous, pained smile of her own. She was about to apologise, but as her mouth opened Shepard leant in, soft pink lips connecting with her own indigo ones. Liara released a long, soft stream of air from her nose, her delicate blue hand instinctively reaching up to cup the Commander's cheek.

Somewhere in the distance, the busy couple heard Joker exclaim "Don't forget, I said 'make out', not just a 'kiss'!"

Taking the encouragement on board, the group hooted and hollered as Shepard deepened the kiss, Liara's fingers threading into her hair. After, what felt like mere seconds, Shepard pulled back, leaving a breathless asari in her wake.

"Now _that's_ what I'm talking about!" Zaeed clinked his bottle of beer to Shepard's, which had been abandoned atop the table, looking far too overjoyed for his own good.

Shepard lowered her head, smirking lopsidedly under the amused scrutiny of her squad. "So, who is next?"

Joker cleared his throat, still stunned by the scene he had just witnessed first-hand. "I… I think it's Javik's turn…"

Javik snorted as he raised his own glass towards his mouth. "I will not be kissing any primitives today."

Joker almost choked on his own beer. "Today?!" He laughed wholeheartedly, gently slapping his thigh as not to injure himself. "'Today' gives us plenty of room for interpretation."

Cortez nudged the Prothean in the side with his elbow. "So, who is the lucky primordial?" The group shared another laugh as Javik shifted awkwardly in his seat. If ever there was an opportunity to see him stifled, _this_ was it.

"I wish there was an airlock big enough to fit all of you into…"

* * *

An hour and a half later, Liara was still in shock from the kiss she had shared with Shepard. She knew it had only been part of a game, but she could not help but feel the echoes of passion it had stirred up within her. Even if it had been unrequited. Now, she stood at the bar surrounded by the girls of the group, watching intently as Shepard and the men horsed around on the dance floor. She heard the murmurs and chatter around her, recognising certain voices when they cropped up, but she could not, for the life of her, pinpoint exactly what any of them were actually saying.

Liara was _smitten_.

She felt a bubble of laughter emit from herself as she watched Legion and their illustrious Commander perform some kind of dance. Their limbs moving stiffly, almost _robotically_. It was surprising just how well Shepard was moving, and in rhythm, too. Liara was hard pressed to admit it, but the Spectre was not actually too bad at dancing. Rather surprisingly.

"Liara? Liara!"

The broker was ripped away from her rose tinted glasses, snapping her head around to find the source of the voice. A certain Quarian engineer. "Yes, Tali?"

Behind her mask, Tali grinned. She knew full well that Liara had been watching Shepard. Trying to hide the amusement in her voice, she carried on her previous sentiment. "This was a good idea, don't you agree?"

Liara frowned slightly in confusion, eyes moving from Tali to circle the group before ending back upon the engineer. "Was _what_ a good idea?"

This time, Tali could not help herself. Her hand came up to palm her face mask, her head and shoulders shaking with laughter.

"Shore leave." Miranda clarified, smiling herself. "By the looks of things, it certainly has boosted morale." She lifted her champagne glass to her mouth, taking a dainty sip before nodding back in the boy's, plus Shepard, directions. Liara took the hint, immediately. Practically as though she had been searching for a reason to watch the Commander once again.

Shepard was moving more freely, now. Not trapped by the constraints of her previous robotic movements. She had rhythm, everyone would grant her that. She was like liquid, yet her movements were as precise as Legions own. James stood near her, trying to replicate her moves. Alas, him being the bulky specimen he was, made that task rather difficult. Liara would not knock his enthusiasm, though. Her eyes quickly found the Commander again, who now had her arm thrown over Cortez' shoulders. He picked her movements up a lot better than Vega had. And Kaidan was not too far behind them. All in all, everyone looked like they were having a ball.

Shepard quickly clocked that Liara was watching, promptly halting her movements. Liara smiled in her direction, which Shepard reciprocated. The Spectre then held out her hand, a nod of her head and twitch of her fingers signalling the asari to join her.

Liara jumped slightly at the sudden hand on her shoulder. Her eyes followed it, leading her to the face of a smiling Matriarch. "Commander's orders, by the looks of things." Samara smiled knowingly. Bringing a blush to Liara's cheeks. The asari glanced back over to Shepard, who was still waiting patiently, grinning like the moron she was.

Liara felt her heart swell. _Like the moron you are in love with. _Yes. That correction could not go without being said now, could it…?

She smiled at the group of (giggling school girls) _women_, putting her own champagne flute on the high table before leaving to follow after Shepard.

They smiled at one another once again, hands connecting as Shepard tugged her to the dance floor.

Liara's smile flourished.

_Yes. Perhaps, in the end, this shore leave had, in fact, turned out to be a good idea…_

* * *

_**A/N: More to come yet, guys and girls! Thank you for sticking with it, thus far. And yes, I have decided that my Shepard would be a good dancer. She excels in some areas, and fails in others. I just did not want dancing to be one of the latter. Also, I preferred the Male!Shep term of endearment from James Vega, i.e.: "Loco". And seeing as he knows my Shepard only has eyes for the ladies, the pair of them have built a relationship based purely on friendship, not flirtation. Thanks again for reading!**_

_**N.J, out. **_


	5. Closeted Gaydar

**Gas, Air and Rum:**

**N.J Jordbrukaren.**

* * *

**Cha****p****ter Five: Closeted Ga****y****dar:**

The Sound of heavy, honey-dipped bass filled the club. Bodies everywhere, pressing together tightly with each and every thump, fluidly matching the rhythm of the atmosphere. And here Miranda was, watching amusedly as Kasumi hooked her finger over the collar of a muscular looking human man. Honestly, if she were to have blinked, she would have missed seeing their lips smash together in a heated, yet sloppy, kiss. She did not know whether to feel entertained or envious. So, in the end, she settled for both.

"Why don't you just go out there and enjoy yourself?" She frowned at the unfamiliar voice, making short work of seeking out its point of supply.

"Major Alenko." He smiled in reply, holding a flute of champagne out for her. Cold blue eyes considered him wearily for a few tense moments before eventually accepting the minor peace offering. She carefully removed it from his grasp. "And just who informed you that I'm _not_ currently enjoying myself?" She smirked upon hearing his mellow laugh. Miranda leant against the crystal railing, Alenko unhurriedly following suit.

"Since when?"

Miranda took a long quaff of her drink, lightly dabbing her fingertips to her lips. "Since when, _what_?"

Kaidan gave yet another quiet chuckle. Apparently, Shepard had been nothing but honest when she had informed him of just how cryptic Operative Miranda Lawson could be. "Since _when_ have you been enjoying yourself?" Kaidan reached out to the tall table on his opposite flank, grabbing his tumbler of whiskey. He needed something to occupy his hands. He failed to anticipate Miranda stretching out to remove the glass from his fingers. Alenko watched with a mixture of awe and mirth as she took a sip before passing it back to him.

"Canadian Rye." She simpered, flipping her position so her back was now pressed to the railing, elbows joining in for support. "For an Alliance man, you have exquisite taste, Major…"

Whilst Miranda faced in the opposing direction, Kaidan also took a swig of it, dark eyes focusing on someone off in the distance. He squinted, mouth twitching in some kind of mystery emotion as he observed.

_Shepard_.

Apparently, she had just said something that the crew surrounding her had found highly amusing. "I know I do, Operative Lawson." Turning away from the spectacle, he, once again, mirrored the woman next to him.

The pair stood in an amicable silence for a brief moment. One of her delicate digits tracing the rim of her champagne flute whilst Alenko merely absorbed his surroundings.

"Why do I get the sense that we are not addressing the same thing here?"

Now it was Kaidan's turn to smirk. _Watch yourself, Major. Miranda can be cryptic, manipulative and detached, but don't let her fool you for a second. Beneath all of that, she is the smartest and most loyal woman anyone could ever wish to befriend. Do not play with __**that**__ ice because you __**will**__ get burnt. _Those were the Commander's exact words, being the brilliant judge of character that she just so happened to be.

He twiddled the glass carefully gripped by his fingertips. "She was right about you, you know?"

Miranda snorted, her chin lowering to her chest. "Shepard?" Kaidan immediately looked up at the mention of the name, his eyes examining the operative closely for any hint of, well… _anything_.

The Major shrugged, as if it should have been obvious. "Yeah." He wondered why Lawson was not asking exactly what the Commander had said. Perhaps she already knew. That was most likely the case. She seemed to know everything else that there ever was to know in this Galaxy.

"Let me guess…" Miranda took another sip of her champagne before twisting to face him, a single elbow still leaning against the translucent partition. "Brilliant, but a control freak?"

Kaidan looked up to the ceiling, laughing. He pointed to Miranda with the index finger of his hand which was also holding his glass. "Very nearly spot on!"

Miranda joined in with the laughter, looking over her shoulder to look at the woman in question. "Shepard can be difficult to gauge, at first, but, sometimes she has these moments where she just…"

Kaidan smiled, a warm, fond glint in his eyes. "…Wears her heart on her sleeve?"

Miranda clinked her flute to the tumbler hanging loosely in his hand, lazily toasting his notion. "Now, that _was_ spot on."

Another silence fell between them, only punctuated by the repetitive beat of the bass music. She heard a sigh escape him, drawing her to look his way. A soft frown befell her in response. Something about him looked… forlorn. If anything, now was the time to let loose. To be happy. Miranda was no expert on Kaidan Alenko, but she could tell emotion when she saw it. And this was _raw_.

"Talk to me, Major."

More silence. He was looking off somewhere. Following his eye line, it led her to Doctor T'Soni. He did not look angry, upset, lustful… _anything_. Just incredibly impassive. She wanted to wait for him to speak, instead of pushing him.

"I should really be over this by now." The sudden sound of his voice startled her a little. Kaidan paused, face setting in determination. "It's been _years_. Literally, years." His head dropped down, eyes watching his fingers as he steadily rotated his glass round and round. He pointed vaguely in Liara's direction, who was now laughing, smiling and playfully hitting Shepard with a handful of cards as the pair of them played a game of, what looked to be, Blackjack.

A hand of his came up to rub against his stubbled jaw. "Can I ask you something?"

Miranda was not anticipating playing an interactive roll in this venting session of his. She had pegged it as just a "you talk, I listen" kind of deal. Then again, she guessed that it would not hurt to get some idea of how Kaidan ticked. She grinned slyly. "That depends upon the question, I suppose."

Seemingly ignoring her jibe, Kaidan looked about him, almost suspiciously. As if making sure no one was listening in. Once he was sure, he scooted slightly closer to the Operative. To her surprise, this did not make her uncomfortable. Either she was too drunk, or she was finally beginning to make friends.

"What does _she_ have that _I_ don't?"

Miranda would have laughed, had she not turned to see the completely stoic expression upon his face. She cleared her throat to cover the chuckle that had almost bubbled out of her mere seconds ago. "I… don't believe I follow…"

Kaidan's hand reached up to press against his forehead. "Liara." He paused, looking over his shoulder to look at the asari. There was a sadness in his eyes. "What is there about _her_ that I haven't got about _me_?"

Miranda was convinced that no amount of alcohol would allow her to answer that question. There was _obviously_ something brewing between the Spectre and Liara, and, apparently, that had made Alenko jealous. Then again, this was all beyond her field of expertise. She was neither of the two women. She literally could not name what Liara possessed, and what Kaidan lacked. Unlike the asari, Miranda could not slip into Shepard's mind and physically seek out the answer to the question Kaidan so desperately desired. Glancing over to him, she saw that very same desperation plastered upon his face. This was tough.

"I don't think that I have it within my power to answer that question for you." She felt terrible. His pain was almost palpable.

He swallowed hard. Maybe Miranda was not the only one who had had a little too much to drink this evening. "I just… I don't get it." Kaidan guzzled the last of his whiskey, slamming the glass back onto the high table with perhaps a bit too much force.

"You don't 'get' what, exactly? This is all tad vague, Major."

"Don't even get me started on being vague." He laughed, rather bitterly. Miranda could honestly admit to never having been this confused in all of her days.

"What I am trying to get at here is… well…" He sighed. This was proving harder than he had anticipated. "Back on the original Normandy, I thought… I thought Shepard and I had _something_. She always used to speak to me after missions. Always included me in ship activities. She just always had time for me, you know?"

Miranda could not bear to tell him that that was just the person that their Commander was. Not to mention the fact that Shepard was completely and utterly _gay_. Even if it had not been stated as such in the Spectre's master psych report, Miranda could, and would've, easily have guessed it. Shepard simply extruded some kind of… _aura_. Sparing Kaidan another glance, she grinned. And, apparently, it was not only women who were drawn to the Commander like moths to an open flame.

"Scuttlebutt back then said that T'Soni had a crush on Shepard, but I never did expect anything to come of that. I just feel like she is leaving me hanging, you know?"

No. Miranda really _didn't_ know.

"She even bought a bottle of fifteen year old Canadian whiskey for me whilst I was in Huerta Memorial-"

"Kaidan." He looked as though he was ever so slightly taken aback by the fact she had addressed him by his first name and not his rank. Miranda did not care. He needed putting out of his misery. Poor bastard. "Have you had a chance to read Shepard's psych report since she came back into everyone's lives?"

The Major shook his head, his face representing just how lost in translation he was. "Why would I…? Firstly, I've never had access, and secondly, she is my Commander. It's against regulations-!"

She shut him up by holding a single digit a few inches away from his lips. "In that case, there is something I should really tell you." Maybe she should not have said it quite like that. Now he looked utterly petrified. "About Shepard…"

"She is okay, isn't she? Right?" He looked off somewhere in the opposite direction, but Miranda could have sworn she had heard him mutter something along the lines of "Please tell me she is okay."

"She is absolutely fine. Or, as well as one could be under all of this stress, anyway." She stalled, frowning. How had she gotten this side tracked? "But none of that is the actual point here." She reached out, placing, what she hoped to be, a comforting hand upon his arm. They stared at one another for a few awkward moments, him in expectation and her in uncertainty. "About Commander Shepard…" _Bloody hell, Miri. _

"Yes, Miranda?" Came his inquisitive reply.

_Here goes nothing..._

"Commander Shepard is _gay_, Major Alenko."

Even more silence hung between them, this period ever so slightly more awkward _and_ longer than its predecessor. And then Miranda very nearly dropped her champagne flute when Kaidan burst out laughing, his hand slapping the bannister heartily.

"Shepard never told me that you had such a wild sense of humour, too!" He continued laughing, wiping the tears from his eyes with his free hand. After a couple of moments, he saw that she was not laughing with him. Or even smiling, for that matter. His face collapsed. "You're not _serious_, are you?" He released another, quieter bubble of laughter, only, this time, it was out of nerves and not amusement.

"It's in her psych profile." She downed the rest of her champagne, needing the added courage to push through this painful exchange. "Take it from me, the person who probably knows almost as much about our Commander as the Commander herself does."

Both of Kaidan's hands grabbed hold of the railing now. He looked positively winded. This was a shock to his system to say the least. "I don't… I am so confused! I mean, I knew some part of her _liked _girls. I mean, why else would Doctor T'Soni have had a crush on her? I always thought she must have said something to spark it." Kaidan sighed, sliding down the railing so that it was now supporting him beneath the armpits. His fingers ran through his thick hair, mussing it up. "Oh, god. So, this _whole_ time…" He shook his head, eyes slamming shut. "This whole time, I was chasing after a lesbian, and no one thought to tell me?" He made an indignant sound as he straightened up, eyes deadlocking with Miranda's own.

She quickly held her hands up in a defensive gesture. "Hey, don't shoot the messenger!"

He continued to glare at her for a few seconds longer before cracking a smile. Miranda was shocked by the altered show of emotion, but pleased to witness it nevertheless. "Well, thanks for breaking it to me." He looked over to Shepard, who now had Liara wrapped around her arm as she chatted away to Garrus and Tali. "God… how could I have been so blind?"

Miranda smiled warmly, fingering the empty champagne flute in her hand. "Yes, well, I've heard that love will do that to a person." Kaidan gave another laugh, driving Miranda to frown up at him. "What? It's true!"

Kaidan stepped closer to her, placing a tender hand upon her shoulder. She could tell that he was trying to act as patronizingly as possible. "It's okay. Just the last thing I ever expected _you_ to say, is all."

_Alenko, you are going down._

"Says the man that fell in love with a woman who loves other women."

She admired the fact that he at least had the backbone to laugh about it now that the fact had been thrown out there. "Low blow, Lawson. Low blow…"

Miranda found herself leaning upon the railing quite heavily, now. It seemed that the alcohol was finally really beginning to kick in. Smiling, she gave him a condescending pat upon the chest. "I could give you a lower blow than that, I assure you."

Both of them were taken aback by the hidden connotation in her words. Was she supposed to say that? And, had some part of her actually meant for the innuendo to shine through quite so boldly…?

"I'll have to take your word on that."

She appreciated that he was able to simply over look her previous statement.

Noticing that she was now without a drink, Kaidan quickly stepped up to the plate. "Would you like another beverage, Ms Lawson?"

Still leaning quite languidly against the railing, she flashed him her best, drunken smile. "Champagne, please."

He eyed her up and down before looking her straight in her heavy lidded and unfocused eyes. "One water, coming right up."

She nodded briefly before realising his 'mistake'. Cupping one hand about her mouth, she tried to amplify her words over the beating music. "Champers, Alenko! Champers!" Her words trailed off as she watched him walking away. Blue eyes lowered, soaking in a part of his anatomy that she perhaps shouldn't have.

"Shepard was right, he has got a nice arse…"

* * *

_A.N: Thanks again for reading and reviewing, gang. You are the best. More soon. Peace out! - N.J._


	6. Yellow Haired Menace

**Gas, Air and Rum:**

**N.J Jordbrukaren.**

* * *

**Cha****p****ter Six: Yellow Haired Menace:**

"-So, there I was, this hot teenage stud, lying on an antique mahogany bed with a blow-up sex doll taped to my face."

James roared from his perch at the bar, fist slamming into the bar with uncontrolled laughter. Shepard, momentarily distracted by the mountain of a man, blinked a few times before looking Joker in the eyes, her mouth slightly agape. "…I thought this was supposed to be the story about the first time you had sex…"

Joker spread his arms wide in the air. "Look at me, people! With bones as soft as _these_, how would I ever be able to give any woman the attention she deserves?" Everyone surrounding him gave a series of nods and muttered sounds of agreement.

Jack belched ferociously, metaphorically stepping into the limelight. "But what about you and the Sex-Toy-Bot-Thing? She must weigh a fucking tonne or two-"

"_Jackie_!" A swift slap to the woman's upper arm from Tali cut Jack clean off. "_Never_-" She hiccupped, nearly plummeting from her barstool, had it not been for Shepard's steadying hand. "-Question a woman's weight!" Tali reached out, grabbing her can of alcohol off the bar. In her rush to get the 'Emergency Induction Port' properly installed into her mouth piece, the Quarian accidentally slammed the can into the side of her helmet, crushing it into a two dimensional circle and splattering the liquid within it everywhere. The first to laugh was Liara, who doubled over atop the bar just as James had moments earlier. Her laughter spurred on the rest of the group, leaving a drunk, bewildered and, quite frankly, _drenched_ Tali in their wakes.

"Does being hammered give you Super-Quarian strength, Tali?" Cortez enquired as he wiped the tears from his eyes.

Tali merely hiccupped in response.

Shepard gave Liara a rub on the back, eyes sparkling with unreleased laughter as she comforted the still giggling Asari. "Am I going to have to bring you a bottle of Turian brandy before I take you out on any future missions?" At Shepard's remark, Liara's laughter renewed. She clutched at her ribs as she fell against Shepard's shoulder. The rest of the crew's amusement had shifted from Tali's previous actions to Liara's uncontrollable mirth. Every time her snickering continued, Garrus also began laughing harder. It was really quite an enjoyable sight to behold, seeing everyone so happy.

The Turian behind the bar must have seen Tali's little… _accident_, causing him to sympathize with her. He brought her a glass of water -Emergency Induction Port included- to replace her long lost drink.

The laughter faded out as Garrus clamoured, rather clumsily to his feet, coming to stand behind Tali, his talons resting upon her slim shoulders. "As fun as this has been, I think I'm going to have to call it a night. Tuck _this one_ into bed." Tali tried to protest, but she simply hiccupped again. She really did look as though she desperately needed a good lie down.

Then most everyone else got to their feet, as well. Saying their various goodbyes before also retiring. Apart from Grunt. Apparently, he wanted to see what a strip club was like and Wrex, Joker, Vega, Cortez and, rather surprisingly, _Javik_ had been only too happy to oblige him. That left Shepard, Jack and Liara at the bar, whilst the rest of the girls, who were somewhere on the dancefloor, pestered Kaidan.

Without prompting, the bartender pushed a fresh bottle of beer, a glass of dark rum on the rocks and a flute of champagne their way, sparing Shepard a wink.

"I could get used to this." Shepard slurred as she took a dainty sip of the chilled liquor.

Jack snorted. "You and me both, Girl Scout!" She guzzled the entire content of her bottle in one, giving another hearty belch in return. "Save us from those evil metal bastards and their soggy piss ants and you might just be able to."

Liara smiled, giving Shepard's shoulder a jovial nudge with her own. "Did you catch that, Commander? It's _that_ easy." She giggled as Shepard rolled her eyes.

"Right!" Jack slammed her hand down on the bar before extricating herself from her bar stool. "I'm gonna piss. Make sure there are shots waiting for me when I get back."

Liara shot up, too. "I may need to use the facilities, as well. Only… no… 'shots' for me upon my return, please?" Shepard smirked. She would make a seasoned drinker out of the Asari, yet. That, she _had_ promised herself. The Commander ordered six shots of Vodka, all for Jack, before craning her neck to survey the dancefloor. Miranda was holding both of (a rather drunk) Kaidan's hands as she attempted to guide him through a lively dance routine. Samara and Zaeed… Shepard squinted. Should she be _worried_ about Zaeed's proximity to the Matriarch? She shook her head. That was not important, right now. Unless her code had a specific rule against perverts, Zaeed would walk away from it alive. At least, Shepard prayed as much.

Legion and EDI stood off to one secluded side, both chatting away. Or exchanging data. Or whatever it was that they did. And, somewhere behind them was Kasumi. She and her new found boy-toy, were… doing some _incredibly_ inappropriate things. Shepard winced. Was that even legal on the Citadel?

Shepard was jolted out of her reverie by the sounds of hurried footfalls, panting and a rather stern crack to her upper back. Frowning, she turned to the source.

"Verner?!"

He hunched over, hands resting upon his knees as he attempted to catch his breath back. "S-Shepard! Oh, _thank god_." He stood a little taller, his face the picture of panic. "I _really_ need your help this time!"

Shepard's frown remained as her mouth gaped slightly, her eyes travelling up and down his strained form. "With…?"

Somewhere off in the distance, she heard a riot of angry yelling and more rapid footsteps. Conrad grabbed her forearm, urging her with him. "I'll explain later!" And, apparently, that was all of the explanation she was getting for now. She chased after him as he escaped the club, making sure to dodge absolutely every person she could on her way out.

"Have a nice night!" The bartender bellowed after them. Waving his bar cloth in the air like a 1940's Human female saying goodbye to her soldier as he went off to war.

* * *

They ran across the entire length of the Silversun Strip, barely avoiding colliding into anyone else as they went. Or was Shepard the only one trying not to ram into poor pedestrians here? She released a long breath of air as Conrad ran directly into the leg of a particularly large Elcor, tumbling helplessly to the ground.

"Conrad…" The Spectre rolled her eyes before scooping him up. Looking over her shoulder, she could see their would-be assailants not too far behind them. "Go!" Shepard shoved his back, forcing him back into a running pace.

Shepard guided them through a maze of buildings and stalls, hoping to throw their pursuers off with all the bright lights, sounds and general busyness of their surroundings. As they both slumped behind the counter of a, now closed, shop, Shepard's sensitive ears picked up the sounds of boots on the ground, approaching ever closer, but not quite. They were _outside_ the store.

Conrad grabbed her arm, which resulted in the Spectre carelessly and blindly slapping her index finger to his lips, silencing whatever crap it was that he was about to spout.

Shepard's keen N7 senses were telling her that they had now _entered_ the shop. If they were quiet, kept completely still, and were lucky enough, there was a chance that they may still go undetect-

"Check this out, Commander!"

Her head wiped around to the source of the voice, her dark eyes ablaze as she eyed Conrad, who was now, _somehow_, clutching a butcher's knife.

It was too late. Their pursuers now knew that they were there. If Shepard had not been smart enough to suspect as such, their followers announcing it on their communicators would have proven quite the tip-off. The Commander snatched the butcher's knife from Conrad, leaping up and vaulting over the counter to bury the sharp blade into the side of their first attacker's neck. He hit the ground like a sack full of Krogan testicles, screaming out for all he was worth. Shepard used the distraction to launch a powerful biotic shockwave at the other two, throwing them backwards into the window behind it, blowing the glass clean apart.

It was done. _Almost_.

Shepard stalked over to the man still writhing and crying upon the floor. Her hand lighting up in a dark purple blaze as she swung her fist back, using this new momentum to snap his neck, effectively putting him out of his misery.

And then everything fell silent. Apart from Shepard's panting and the occasional sound of glass cracking beneath her feet. Eyes still fiery, she slowly rotates on the spot. Every muscle in her body tense and visibly twitching, her harsh glare immediately fell to the cause of it all, lip jerking into an enraged looking snarl.

Conrad smiled awkwardly through clenched teeth and waved.

"_What_. _Just_. _Happened_?"

Each of the Spectre's words were punctuated by her taking a step towards him. Conrad swallowed thickly. Deciding it best to remain in this spot rather than following his instincts and attempting to crawl under the floor… somehow.

"Well, you see, the thing is-" He unleashed an undeniably high-pitched, womanly sounding squeal when he looked up from the ground, only to come directly face to face with Shepard, who had somehow silently manoeuvred herself around so that she was now standing mere inches away from him. She said nothing. Her blazing eyes simply boring straight into his very core.

Conrad now realised why Shepard was the Spectre instead of him.

"I got into a bit of trouble with a casino." She still said nothing. He found this all excruciatingly terrifying. How did her crew cope with living in this constant state of fear? Is this what happened if they forgot to wash the dishes or flush the toilet?! "Shepard, it looked exactly like they were using it as a front to launder money!" He went to reach forward and grab her shoulders to shake for emphasis, but her cocked eyebrow made him rethink that move. "C'mon, you have to believe me _this_ time!"

Shepard crossed her arms over her chest, leaning back on one leg. "_This_ time?" She closed her eyes, her head shaking. "What makes it so different from before? You know, all of those other times you've been depressingly off the mark, if you care to recall?"

Conrad almost let a frustrated cry escape him. "You saw those guys come after me! Who sends goons like that after one guy if they're _not_ guilty?!"

Shepard sarcastically hummed, her fingers reaching up to scratch at her jaw and chin in over the top, mock thought. "I don't know, Conrad. Maybe a casino that has millions of credits to account for?"

He went to make a rebuttal, but paused, index finger once raised in protest folding back away. "I… you _may_ have a point, there, Commander Shepard…"

Shepard shrugged. "_May_?" She prodded the air just in front of his face, making him go cross-eyed in order to follow it. "I _am_ right."

Conrad sighed, his whole posture slumping with the movement. "Look, _every_ casino is playing foul somewhere. You just have to pick your battles. Is money laundering an issue so close to your heart that you'd be willing to die for it?"

He pouted, head shaking negatively. "No, Ma'am…"

Shepard felt a burst of pride in her chest. At least he admitted it now. That was progress. "Conrad, this Universe is yours for the taking-"

"Minus the Reapery parts." He interrupted

The Spectre sighed. "Yes, minus the… 'Reapery parts'." It was her turn to reach out, now. Her hand resting upon his shoulder. He wouldn't dream of rejecting that. "You have to find _your_ fight. Pick something that means a lot to _you_ and defend that. You don't need… _this_." She gestured to their battered surroundings, drawing a bubble of laughter from Conrad.

"It was awesome, though. Seeing _Commander Shepard_ in action!" He clenched his fist in front of him, attempting to mimic a biotic power stance. A silence dragged out between them as Shepard watched the cogs of his brain tick over. Suddenly he was looking more determined than ever. "I know what I have to do, Commander."

Shepard stared at him silently. Waiting to see if he was planning on telling her or not.

He did.

_Unfortunately_.

"I have to go back to Earth and climb Mount Everest!" Without giving her time to protest, he ran past her, throwing a vague "Thank you!" Over his shoulder as he went.

Commander Shepard would admit that, right now, she had never been so confused.

* * *

**Moments earlier – Somewhere Else:**

"All I'm saying is that, if you were to pull off a reverse head-butt-"

"-Which I would _not_." Liara interjected as they made their way back to the bar.

"But, if you did, imagine the damage? You could tear someone's eye out!" Liara was slightly wary of Jack's excitement surrounding this subject. She stared at the Human as they both retook their bar stools.

"But, also imagine having to pluck the eyeballs of the damned off of my crest after each and every battle. As much as I appreciate your esteemed tactical advice, Jack, I'd really rather not."

Jack scoffed, picking up two shots of Vodka and downing them in one without so much as a gag. "Please yourself, Blue. I just would have assumed that, with the war and everything, any hole's a goal-"

"Where is Shepard?" Liara looked around fervently before her panicked blue eyes landed back upon Jack. The convict simply shrugged, picking out another two shots.

"Fuck knows. Why ask me? I'm not her fucking _mother_…"

Not listening to Jack, Liara hailed down the bar tender. "Where did the Commander go?"

He looked about him whilst he polished a glass. "She left a short while ago."

Liara felt her heart and expression collapse. "_Left_? Did she say why? Where she was going? And who with?"

His mandibles twitched, throwing Liara off slightly. She rolled her eyes. _For the love of the Goddess, why could Turian's not have evolved to have people faces?! _

"A Human fella with, uh…" The Turian's talon made some kind of ruffled movement above his head.

"Yes, I understand that most Humans have hair. This hardly narrows anything down…" Liara sighed.

He pointed at an uncaring Jack. "She doesn't."

"Hey, shitbird, don't bring my beautiful bald head into this!"

Liara growled in frustration, hands reaching up to massage her temples. "Look," The Turian leant forward on the bar opposite the agitated Asari. "The guy had, like, yellow hair. _Real_ yellow. Blinding, almost." He mimed a horse shoe shape under his nose and down both sides of his mouth. "Round here, too." The bar tender stood back, using his cloth to wipe away any Vodka Jack may have spilt. "Sorry if that doesn't help, but it's really all I saw." He paused, face plates pulling into, what Liara could only guess to be, a thoughtful frown.

"_What_? Do you remember something else?"

"Actually, just after they ran out of here-"

Liara's face fell, her earlier panic being replaced by genuine fear. "R-Ran?"

Jack snorted drunkenly beside her, shouldering her. "Let 'em finish, Doc!"

"Yeah, they ran," He continued, carefully eyeing Jack as she slumped forward, head butting the bar. Liara paid her friend no notice, not even a flinch, she simply stared the bar man down, waiting for an answer that would satisfy her. "_That_ way." Cloth in hand, he pointed in the correct direction. "Then a group of burly looking guys ran through here just after they'd left. To me, it seemed like they were chasing your Spectre and the yellow haired menace down."

Liara frowned, but managed a nod. "Thank you." She passed him a complimentary credit chit before hooking her arm in Jack's, dragging the hammered biotic with her as she went to find Shepard.

"Whaa's happenin', _hot stuff_…?"

"Shut up, Jack."

"Mmm'kay."

Despite herself, Liara smirked.

_That was almost as easy as Kasumi…_


	7. This One's Emporium

**Gas, Air and Rum:**

**N.J Jordbrukaren.**

* * *

**Cha****p****ter Seven: This One's Em****p****orium.**

Liara had deposited Jack with the other women and Kaidan before continuing her investigation. Jack could barely stand, speak or control her… _belching_… Liara felt a shudder run through her. How one woman could contain so much gas was beyond her comprehension. The biotic really was one of the galaxy's many, many wonders.

Liara had chosen, quite aptly, to accept the unhelpful bartender's information. She left the bar from the same exit as Shepard and the mystery menace. After that, the rest was guess work on her behalf. Liara considered herself intelligent. And she knew Shepard well enough to recognise the trouble that followed her. There was a ruckus not far from where she had found herself. An enormous Elcor complaining to a tired C-Sec officer. Two human men fussed a bit further down, one picking exotic earthen goods off the floor as the other lifted the cart to stand it up at the appropriate angle. Yes, Liara knew the signs.

Shepard had definitely touched this mess.

* * *

Surrounded by broken glass, blood and general destruction, Shepard had perched herself atop the same counter she had vaulted over moments earlier. Apparently, she and Conrad had broken into some kind of off-license. Or so she decided after having looted a pack of cigarettes and a small bottle of whiskey from the shelf behind her.

So here she was, legs swinging back and forth, lit cigarette tucked into the corner of her mouth and an open, half consumed bottle of whiskey twirling between her fingers.

Without a doubt, Shepard would consider this a fruitful side mission.

The tip of the cigarette glowed angrily as she sucked inwards, holding the smoke in before letting it flow from her nostrils. She hadn't smoked in years. Couldn't on a space vessel. Yet, even now, it still gave her the same glorious rush as it always had. The only downfall was the after taste. Shepard grinned. But, that was what the whiskey was for. She took a large gulp of the hot amber liquid, immediately thankful for the sheer strength of it.

The adrenaline had quickly worn off. It hadn't been much of a fight, after all. What were three bouncers against a Spectre? But, during the fracas, some of the explosively shattered glass has caught her. One shard had embedded itself in her shoulder, another other zipping past her and slicing her bicep. And, from the stinging sensation coming from her face, some of it had cut there, too. Shepard had pulled the shard from her shoulder without a second though. Something Doctor Chakwas probably would have killed her for.

She took another long drag on her cigarette.

Doctor Chakwas would kill her for smoking, as well. No doubt. The Spectre's back bounced a little as she chuckled to herself.

"Thank fuck she's not here…"

* * *

With some precocious manoeuvring, Liara had managed to make her way around the huge Elcor. It had taken far more time and effort than one would have anticipated. Then she had to step around all of the squashed human fruit and spilled… juice? Liara hoped it was juice and not Salarian blood.

"Fucking Shepard…"

Liara immediately halted where she stood, her head whipping around to the source of the voice. One of the human males. The ones with the cart. Probably the same cart that had held most of the things now squished into the floor. He rubbed his hands up and down his weathered face as the other man shoved a dustpan and brush his way.

"Say what you like, Dave, I think it's pretty cool."

This… 'Dave' apparently did not agree. He snatched the dustpan and brush from his colleague's hand. "Of course you do."

"We can use this! It will be great for business, you'll see!"

Dave crouched down, resuming the other man's previous task of scraping up fruit remnants. "How? Are you going to get a plaque? '_Dave &amp; Neil's Fruit Cart – Getting in Commander Shepard's way since 2186'_."

Neil, or so Liara assumed, laughed. "Imagine? I guarantee that our sales will skyrocket."

She had decided that she had heard enough of their bickering. She approached the friendlier human of the pair. "Excuse me?"

Neil did a double take on her, his entire body tightening up. "Oh my god… You're Doctor T'Soni!" He reached down, yanking Dave to his feet by the scruff of his neck. He shot Neil an angry look. Obviously Dave could not care less about people or their titles. He shrugged, barging past Neil to stand behind the cart.

"What'dya want?" Dave looked about the cart eying its scarce contents as he wiped his hands on a cloth. "We ain't got no bananas I'm afraid, courtesy of our _beloved_ Commander Shepard…"

Liara lit up at the mention of the Spectre's name. "Actually, that is why I am here-"

Dave sighed. "So you don't want any fruit?"

"N-No… not particularly…"

"Figures." He moved back around to the mess, continuing to sweep the remains up.

"Pay no attention to Dave. He's as temperamental as a pre-rite Krogan." Neil took a step forward, offering Liara his hand. Hesitantly, she took it and shook it. "So would you be needing, Doctor?"

"You said that _this_," She pointed at the mess still in the process of being gathered. "Was Commander Shepard's doing?"

Neil laughed a little. Liara felt some semblance of comfort from the fact that he seemed not to harbour any hard feelings. "Kind of. It was the guy running behind her that knocked it down. Dave's just being a drama queen."

"Queen_ yourself_…" Came a frustrated mutter from below.

"The man running behind her?" Liara pondered it for a moment, recalling the Turian bartender's words. "Did he perchance have yellow hair?"

Neil nodded. "_Blond_, yeah. And a beard, too." He tapped his chin. Pointing out the definition of the term for the foreign race, just in case.

"You would not happen to know where they went?"

Dave stood back up, dustpan full of a variety of destroyed fruits which were promptly tipped into a metallic garbage canister. "Who cares?"

Neil rolled his eyes. "I couldn't tell you where exactly. All I know is that they ran that way." His finger pointed to the right, further down the long Silversun Strip.

Liara turned her head, eying the entirety of the direction pointed out to her. She would just have to follow her… what had Ashley once called it? Digestive tract?

"Thank you for your help…" She paused, looking to Dave who still had a lot more crushed foodstuffs to clean up. "I know Commander Shepard would be sorry for the mess."

Dave shrugged. "Sorry won't bring my bananas back, will it?"

Liara looked back to Neil, who offered her an apologetic smile. "We'll be okay here. Go find the Commander."

"I will. Thank you, again."

* * *

Half of the Silversun Strip explored, the other half still to go. Liara reached up, smoothing her hands over her face. She had no idea that Shepard was this good at hiding. After the disgruntled Elcor and the Fruit cart, clues and evidence directing her further on the Spectre's whereabouts had become increasingly more scarce.

Liara sighed. She would never give up searching for the woman until she had found her, but she had no other leads.

That was until her omni-tool pinged.

'_Urgent News: Commander Shepard and a mystery cohort spotted brawling on the Silversun Strip.'_ She knew the source. It was a guise. Feron had sent it. This could be the missing link she needed to find Shepard. She brought up Feron's contact details, typing him a brief and to the point question.

'_I need to know where she is. Immediately. – L' _

The reply did not take long, but it left a space long enough for Liara to start tapping her foot to the floor impatiently.

'_Attachment:'_

Liara frowned, her heart ceasing in her chest as she clicked to open it. She had not really taken Shepard's disappearance seriously until now. She prayed to the goddess that the woman was alright.

The attachment – a picture – loaded, popping up on her omni-tools screen. It was a still from a security camera. The tag in the bottom right corner told her it was from a place called _This One's Emporium_. In the image itself, Shepard was stood over a man, her first glowing the same dark purple colour Liara now associated with the Commander's biotics. Without another thought, Liara closed her omni-tool down. Wherever This One's Emporium was, she needed to be there.

* * *

"-Shut it, you florescent ball bag!"

The Hanar now blocking the entrance to This One's Emporium dusted its tentacles. "This one kindly asks that it never returns to its premises ever again."

Shepard guzzled the remainder of her whiskey before launching the empty bottle at the store front, smashing the lit "T" on the sign above the door so it now read _'his One's Emporium'. _The Commander didn't know if she had drank too much or if she genuinely _had_ just seen the Hanar flash red. Either way, she grimaced.

"This one has suffered enough of its tomfoolery! This one requests that it prepares itself for intense physical combat!"

Shepard doubled over in a fit of laughter. "You're kidding me, right?"

"This one does not kid, _human_." The Hanar began floating towards her with an eerie speed she had not expected. Without thinking, Shepard grabbed a Varren skewer (much to the Batarian owner's dismay) from the Fishdog Food Shack stall next to her, lobbing it at the Hanar. It splattered against its… _head_? But the Hanar shop owner would not be assuaged. She grabbed two more handfuls of something cold and soggy, throwing it in the same direction. Still, nothing would halt the Hanar. Nearly slipping on the floor, Shepard scrambled away before breaking into the fastest run she felt she had ever managed during her entire military career.

"It can run, but it cannot hide!"

Shepard bolted through the slightly emptier strip. Now she was alone and didn't have to look after a rookie, i.e: Conrad, she was able to dodge, slide under and vault over any obstacles she came across. Even an Elcor. Her hands pressed upon its sturdy back as she leapt over it.

"Genuine panic: what on Dekuuna is going on?"

Shepard ignored the first question, but the second made her body work harder still. "Does it think it can escape this one?"

She looked over her shoulder to see how close her jello-pursuer was. It seemed as though she had put quite a bit of distance between them, but not enough for her not to hear him, or for him to give up on chasing her.

She went to turn back around, but instead she collided into someone. Rookie mistake.

"Shepard?" She looked up, confused eyes meeting with Liara's equally as confused ones.

"L-Liara?!"

Liara smiled out of relief. Finally, she had found the Commander. Shepard did not look so relieved, however… Hands on hips, Liara looked up, behind Shepard. Was that a… a _Hanar_…? She glanced back down to the woman, noticing the gashes all over her. "What have you done, now?"

She was surprised at just how swiftly the Commander was back on her feet. "I don't have time to answer that, just trust me, okay?" Liara nodded dumbly, mouth agape.

"This one is approaching, human! This one knew it could not escape!"

Shepard started. Reaching forward in a flurry of movement, she grabbed Liara's shoulders. "T'Soni, we need to run. Now. My life depends upon it."

"Shep-"

"This one has you now, human!"

Shepard pushed Liara away, urging her to a distance as she herself ducked, barely dodging the tentacle that swiped at where her head would have been. Scrambling away once more, the Commander took Liara's hand forcing her to run with her. She had no idea where to. Anywhere would do so long as it was as far away from the murderous Hanar as possible.

"This one will catch it yet!"

"Shepard," Liara panted, trying to keep up with the Spectre. "Please, for the love of the Goddess, tell me why there is an angry Hanar trying to kill you!"

"Later-" Shepard grunted as she attempted to control her own breathing. "Hide first, questions later!"

"I know somewhere."

Shepard looked to Liara.

"Anderson's apartment."

"Anderson's apartment." They both said in sync.

There was a loud clatter behind them. Trusting Shepard not to let her run into anything, Liara twisted her head around. She laughed aloud as she saw Dave and Neil's cart back on the floor, fruit everywhere, with the Hanar floating over and past it.

"Fucking Hanar!" Came Dave's voice…

* * *

A/N: Thank you for all of the awesome reviews. It's always good to know how it is going down. Sorry for the delay. I'm kind of always late, so I'm kind of always sorry. Thanks for reading boys and gals and all in between!

**N.J, out. **


	8. Gusset For Your Thoughts?

**Gas, Air and Rum:**

**N.J Jordbrukaren. **

**Cha****p****ter Ei****g****ht: Gusset For Your Thou****g****hts?**

* * *

"This one can sense its fear, human!"

Shepard grimaced behind the crate she and Liara were now using as a shield. Liara glanced at her, eyes rolling dramatically. "Are you drunk?" Despite her whispering, Shepard still shushed her. The Asari leaned in, dangerously close to the other woman, her nostrils twitching as she sniffed. "I am surprised that Hanar can smell anything through the fog of liquor surrounding you…"

"Hanar can't smell anything. They don't have noses."

Liara did a double take on Shepard. Her remark had been so nonchalant that Liara had almost accepted it without question. And, the more she thought about it, the more she wondered whether the Spectre was wrong or not. Hanar really didn't have noses. Not that the eye could see, anyhow.

"We need to get out of here."

One of Liara's eye markings cocked. "As if I did not already know that..."

Shepard grinned. Despite everything that was happening around them, Liara could not help but feel her heart skip a beat at the sight. "Did one of your Broker operatives deliver you a fresh batch of sarcasm today, or something?"

"I have no idea what you are talking about." She smirked at Shepard when she was nudged by her shoulder. As always, their banterous moment was sort lived. With an attention span that could rival that of Mordin Solus', Shepard easily became distracted. Liara sat in silence as she watched the Spectre examine the crate they were hiding behind.

"What were the chances…?"

Liara shifted to get a better look at what Shepard was up to, accidentally gripping the woman's lower back for support. She blushed, realising their proximity. As if their earlier kiss had not been enough to throw her off balance. "What?"

"We must have stumbled into a weapons warehouse." She pulled a smoke grenade out of the metallic box, carefully presenting it to her companion. "Got any opinions on smoked jellyfish?"

Liara's eyes bugged out, flicking from the grenade to Shepard at the speed of light. She gripped Shepard's forearm tightly. "Shepard, we can't set that off in here!" She hissed once again.

The Commander sighed. "Why not? It'll save us."

"We'll get into trouble! Not to mention the fact we have no idea who these weapons belong to. What if we are in secret gang warehouse?"

"Liara, _please_, you forget who I am…"

"_Careless_." The asari tutted. "With no sense of danger whatsoever. You're a _hooligan_."

Shepard sniggered, trying her hardest not to laugh loudly. "A hooligan? Jesus, T'Soni, why don't you just give me a rap on the knuckles, too?"

"I fail to see how my beating you would improve our situation."

Shepard grinned again. Liara felt her frustration and adoration grow in equal measure. "For the sake of my health, please hold on to that attitude." Shepard looked a little closer at the grenade. Up ahead, they could both hear the sound of rustling. The Hanar was apparently still searching. "Look," She held the device between them. "I can activate this, launch it towards the Hanar, then, whilst it's disorientated, we can make a break for it to Anderson's apartment. Sound like a plan?"

Liara folded her arms over her chest. Shepard forced herself not to ogle. A very difficult task, indeed. "Not a very well thought out one."

"So, you'll give it a go?"

There was a long pause. Shepard was half expecting her to reject it. Stupid, seeing as it was the only chance they had, but it would be befitting with the typical T'Soni stubbornness she had come to know. Liara's lips parted, ready to give a response-

"Hey, you Hanar bastard!"

"Dave?" Liara blurted, frowning at her own reflexes as her fingertips came up to cover her lips.

Shepard crouched, letting her knees press into the metallic ground. She wanted a better view. "Who's Dave?"

"Someone else you should probably try to avoid this evening… Perhaps forevermore."

Shepard's head whipped around. Liara could not help but find her questioning glare quite endearing. "Sorry?" They stared at one another, not paying attention to the other two up ahead and their prolonged altercation.

"Is everyone trying to put me out of fucking business today?"

"This one does not understand what it means."

Dave growled angrily. Liara grabbed Shepard by the back of the neck, dragging her down so they were both sat with their backs against the crate. The Commander made to protest, but Liara pressed a firm digit to the woman's lips, literally silencing her.

"First Commander Shepard, then you! Why don't you just pick my cart up and toss it into the Presidium Lake?"

Shepard moved her head back a little, giving her room enough away from Liara's offending finger so she could speak. "Wait, what did _I_ do…?" With a firm glare of her own, Liara closed the space between her finger and Shepard's mouth once more. The Spectre rolled her eyes, arms crossing over her chest, making her look like a sulking child.

"If that would get it out of this one's way, then yes. This one shall."

"So you're a sarcastic jellyfish, too? Don't see many of those." There was a pause. Liara eyes blazed as Shepard went to pull the pin on the smoke grenade. "There's a reason for that, you know?"

"This one does not take kindly to threats, human."

This time, Shepard grabbed Liara's wrist, carefully extracting it from her person. "T'Soni, this is the perfect distraction. Let's make a break for it."

She sighed. Honestly, Shepard was going to be the death of her. Liara knew that. She just did not know whether or not she was okay with it… "No smoke grenades."

"B-But-"

"No. Smoke. Grenades."

"Fine." Shepard lifted the grenade between them, making sure Liara watched as she placed it out of sight on her opposite side. Liara was satisfied that the Spectre had let go of both the idea of it and the weapon itself.

Liara offered her companion an indulgent smile, one Shepard returned with added sarcasm. "Was that so hard, Commander?"

She didn't know why, but the way her title had rolled off of Liara's tongue sent all kinds of feelings around her body. "Harder than you'd think, Doctor…"

Liara felt the same electric jolt spear through her. They both silently agreed to themselves that the use of their titles would not bode well for their budding friendship. Not one bit.

Ahead of them, a scuffle ensued. Dave grunted whilst the Hanar… well, it was making some weird, high pitched screeching sound. Sparing the scene a quick glance, Shepard reached down, lacing her fingers with Liara's. Shepard was obviously unfazed, or so Liara believed, but she herself could feel the heat creeping up her neck. Liara felt horrified. She thanked the Goddess that Shepard was too distracted to notice.

"Okay, Liara, on the count of-"

"Wait!"

Shepard frowned. "What?"

"What number are we going on?"

"If you hadn't interrupted-"

"Just answer my question…"

"I'm trying-"

"Shepard…"

The Commander paused. Closing her eyes and sucking in a calming breath. When she re-opened her eyes, she copied Liara's earlier tactic of placing her finger against the Asari's lips.

"On the count of three, okay? Repeat: on the count of _three_. Understood?"

Liara nodded awkwardly against her hand. That was her queue to move her finger.

"Alright," She bent around, giving the still fighting pair one last look. Deciding the coast was clear, Shepard gave Liara's hand a reassuring squeeze. "One… two…"

Before she could even consider saying 'three', Liara had hauled her to her feet, forcing her to run with her towards the exit. Shepard grimaced when she saw the Hanar drop Dave. He began floating after them once again. And this time, Dave was hot on his heels… tentacles… whatever.

"I told you we should have used the smoke grenade."

"We should go."

Shepard did a double take on the back of Liara's head. _Isn't that my thing…?_

* * *

Three quarters of an hour later, they finally came to a halt. Well, Liara did. Shepard only stopped running when her front slammed into Liara's back.

"Here!"

Before Shepard could protest, she was being dragged by the hand into some… her eyebrows lifted in shock. "Liara, this is a strip club!" She squinted, frowning. "A _human_ strip club…" Liara did not respond. She only guided them towards the large looking queue.

"-get lost!" The two human men at the front of the huge line heeded her warning, walking away, postures slumped and faces set in pouts. "You two!" Shepard was not sure, but she could have sworn the woman was talking to her and Liara. She glanced behind her. No one. Liara took the initiative, guiding the both of them to the front. The bouncer smiled. A predatory thing. Her eyes moved all over Liara. The Asari could have sworn she felt Shepard's grip tighten. Maybe it was just wishful thinking. "Come on in, ladies." She pinned Liara with her eyes again. "You can come wherever you like."

A burst of laughter escaped Shepard, which she only just managed to pass off as a sneeze. Liara glared at her, but the mirth behind her eyes was beyond obvious. Liara gave the bouncer's bicep a pat, hand lingering longer than necessary. She got what she wanted. Shepard's poorly disguised laughter promptly stopped and grip tightened again. And, this time, Liara was sure of it.

"Why are we here?" Shepard's eyes went all over the place, trying to take as much in as possible. Of course it had absolutely nothing to do with the many topless women sauntering around. Not even a little. She was just being… tactical. Finding the… exits.

Finally at a safe distance, Liara turned to face Shepard. Her smile was slightly unnerving. "I have had many dealings with this place during my time as the… best _information broker_ in the galaxy." Shepard nodded dumbly, not entirely sure where this was headed. "You may have been slightly… _distracted _when we entered, but, at the door, it clearly states that this establishment is only for females. Or in the Asari's case, anything female looking." Liara watched on like a proud mother as it all clicked together in Shepard's head.

"But, how do you know that that Hanar was a male? It could get to the door, flash its gusset and we'll be back to square one."

Liara's face creased in questioning. "Do Hanar have gussets?"

"Entirely missing the point…"

"I- ah… apologies, Shepard." Blue eyes scanned the vicinity. The dance areas were jam packed, bodies everywhere. The bar was busy, but not uncomfortably so. That was the destination she decided upon. "This can be our temporary refuge." A coy look was thrown over her shoulder as she led Shepard to the bar. "Who knows, we may even enjoy ourselves. But no more alcohol for you."

Shepard's jaw went slack, her mouth gaping. "What? That's not fair! I've sobered up, now!"

Liara watched, entertained, as Shepard wrestled with a bar stool. Perhaps the breathing room had gone to her head.

"_Obviously_…"

Eventually she managed to sit. Sit _still_, no less. Quite the event, the Asari surmised. Mid way through her second flute of champagne in-in… _twenty minutes? _Liara eyed the flute before popping it back down. Maybe she was getting a little carried away. If that was not a big enough clue, the sudden heat rushing to her head surely should have been.

"I'm going to the bathroom." Shepard hopped to her feet, seemingly sober. Maybe Liara's temporary alcohol prohibition had actually worked…

* * *

…Or maybe not.

"Liara, _there_ you are!" Shepard approached her, obviously a little (more than a little) tipsy. She scanned the Commander, eyes immediately zoning in on the bottle she was gripping.

"Shepard… _what_?" Liara grabbed Shepard's hand, attempting to draw her close enough to remove the bottle from her grasp. Only, it backfired. Instead of pulling the Commander towards her, she was pulled towards the Commander. She came her off her perch with a surprising amount of speed, her feet losing balance. She closed her eyes, waiting to make contact with the floor.

A contact that never came.

Shepard was strong. Stronger than Liara had ever realised. The human wrapped her arm around her waist, capturing her before she came into any real danger of hitting the ground. Liara's hands, scrambling for stability, shot to the Spectre's chest.

"You okay?"

Liara released a shaky breath of air, her eyes going wide as she noticed their precocious position. She had no idea how or why their faces were so close. She could not find it in herself to pull back. And neither could Shepard, apparently.

The Commander's grip on Liara's waist tightened, not unpleasantly, their bodies pressing flush together. Everywhere felt hot, even through the layers of clothes between them. Liara felt her breath catch in her throat. Shepard was so close. The alcohol she had been drinking left a deliciously spicy air to her breath. It set her skin alight. Cinnamon. Beautiful, Shepard-infused cinnamon.

Liara balled her fists in the fabric of Shepard's BDU's without realising it. Her body also craved the human. And, perhaps, it was just a little bit more forward than Liara's mind.

Breath's intertwining, the delicious mint twang of Asari champagne and the spice of human whiskey. It was the both of them, perfectly described without even so much as a word. Cool and hot colliding.

Liara ran her hand over Shepard's collarbone and up her neck, threading her fingers into her dark hair. She had the upper hand here. And she made the most of it.

The gentle pressure of Liara's hand urged their lips together. They meshed, linked with heat and passion in every movement. Liara sighed, a small, high pitched thing that set every last one of Shepard's nerves on fire. She held the Asari impossibly closer, not caring as the bottle in her hand fell to the floor, shattering completely.

They were both oblivious. Shepard's strong hands gripped Liara's hips tightly, holding her close. Whereas Liara had looped her arms around the Commander's neck.

Everything was electrifying. Pure heat between them. Shepard never knew it could feel like this. Neither did Liara. It was exhilarating. And they were both enthralled by one another.

Tongues tentatively swept to and fro, Shepard's own eventually making the move. Liara's mouth granted Shepard access, and the Commander took the fullest advantage.

A sound escaped the Asari. A tiny moan. Shepard loved it, but she wanted to supersize it. Turn it into a _scream_. But not here. Not in front of so many. Liara deserved more. She deserved better. Shepard, rather hesitantly, pulled back, her eyes moving all over Liara's face to soak in her beautiful, flushed expression.

"Liara…"

The Asari lifted her finger, placing it to Shepard's lips once more. "Shush." She kissed her again, this time, a lot softer. More of an exploration, than a relinquishing of passions. She cradled the Commander's face in so gentle a way that Shepard could feel her heart swell with… _love_? This wasn't right. What about Sam-

"I need you, Shepard." Liara's plea was so incredibly soft. So _sincere_. As was her gaze. Her beautiful blue eyes, so suggestive, yet so innocent. She was hard pressed to say no. "Please take me home."

So hard pressed to say no was she, that she forgot to entirely.

* * *

A/N: There we go! Is that not what we've all been waiting for? More to come.

N.J, out!


	9. Liara T'Soni: Space Comedian

**Gas, Air and Rum:**

**N.J Jordbrukaren.**

* * *

**Cha****p****ter Nine:**** Liara T'Soni: Space Comedian.**

"Bloody Shepard…" Traynor glanced up from her omni-tool after having checked it for the fifteenth time in the past ten minutes. The worry and anxiety was beginning to slip back in. Not that either of those feelings left a person when Shepard was involved. She could be anywhere. Cage fighting Elcor, eating contests with Vorcha, or, worse yet, drinking competitions with Krogan…

Traynor massaged the bridge of her nose. "Why did I ever let her out of my sight…?"

She had received a message from Shepard at some stage, telling her everything was fine, and that the rest of the team were '_Chillz nhg ffpt'_, whatever that had meant. A smile appeared upon her lips, her fingers tracing the poor excuse for a sentence upon her omni-tool display.

Her smile was blown away by a long sigh. Sam shut down her omni-tool. She would not be satisfied until her Commander was back in her arms. Safe. Protective. Just… Shepard…

Traynor's sad expression was replaced by one of fixed determination. If the Spectre was not going to come to her, she would just have to go and find her. And she knew just the place to start.

"Back to the apartment it is."

* * *

"Liara…" Shepard growled as she reluctantly pulled her lips away from her counterparts. She had not made the journey back to the apartment easy, thus far. Every flat surface had abruptly had Liara thrust upon it. Not so long ago, the Asari had obviously decided turnabout was fair play. And that was the precise moment when both of Liara's hands had pressed to Shepard's chest, forcefully guiding her into the wall beside the elevator with a resounding thud. Any sound of pain was swallowed by the Asari's all-encompassing kiss. "Liara-" Shepard hissed when her lower lip was softly bitten down upon.

"Mmm-hmm?"

Liara was doing this on purpose, wasn't she? Trying to stop her from talking. Taking her mind off things with…

"Liara!" Shepard trailed off into a moan and Liara smirked in kind. Who knew that slipping her thigh in between Shepard's legs would make for such an easy distraction? Blue lips moved to the heated, exposed flesh of the Spectre's throat, anointing it with a string of butterfly soft kisses. Everything was sheer ecstasy, the mere knowledge that her attentions and ministrations were doing this to the woman. It was breathtakingly beautiful. It was perfection. "Oh, god…"

Liara withdrew a little, if only to look Shepard in the eyes. Those poor, tortured eyes of hers. "Something you needed, Commander?"

Shepard turned her head slightly, hinting at the elevator. Which, in hindsight, was a bad move. Instead, Liara took advantage of her exposure, mouth, lips and teeth immediately re-ravaging her skin. Liara felt an indescribable thrill of arousal seer within her at feeling Shepard's erratic pulse flitting beneath her lips. It was other worldly, having this kind of hold over the most powerful being in the galaxy.

"T-The elevator…" She swallowed thickly, obviously trying to fight away her body's need to respond to Liara's touch. "-You need to press -oh-… the button!" But Liara didn't budge. She continued making the most of the position they were in.

But, apparently, Shepard had had quite enough. Before Liara could protest in any way shape of form, they had been spun around, their positions reversed. It was daunting but incredibly arousing having Shepard, this strong, powerful being cornering her. Liara's eyes fluttered shut as she felt her inner walls clench and throb with desperation and need. Her hand was lifted. She opened her eyes to examine what was happening.

Shepard kissed her palm before using it to press the button and summon the elevator. "Floor four, there we go."

Liara tightened her grip on the Spectre's shoulder. Her breaths coming faster and harder. And, by all accounts, Shepard was having the same issue. Blue eyes were stapled to the human's lips. She had had a taste and now she wanted more. Almost unnoticeably, Liara inched closer and closer, eyes remaining as focused on their prize as the rest of her body. "Goddess, I don't think I can wait that long…"

"It's been three years and three months, Liara. What's another minute?" Shepard glanced down, the grin swiftly falling from her sharp features. It was replaced by a look of intense need. Her gaze looped from both of Liara's eyes, down to her lips and back again. Wanting to keep the element of control firmly in her court, Shepard took the initiative to close the gap between them. Their lips came together in a passionate, but languorous kiss. One that was more about showing their deep desire for one another in a more tender fashion.

Their kiss ended just as the elevator chimed its arrival. Shepard, with a tight hold on her hips, guided Liara into the compartment, and off they went again.

The Commander, with much pleasure, took advantage of their positions. She held Liara in place as she abused the Asari's extremely sensitive neck folds. "Goddess, Shepard…" Really, Liara should have expected nothing less from the human. She felt the Spectre grin against her neck.

"Something you needed, Doctor?" Liara half moaned-half laughed at the semi repetition of her earlier question. "I'm a good listener."

It was Liara's turn to take advantage now. And she really intended to. She began grinding her rear to Shepard's front, relishing in the stoic presence of the woman's body through her own armour. "I know you are, but that's not what I am in need of, right now." Liara spun around on the spot, arms looping over the Commander's shoulders.

"Oh?"

"No." She nuzzled at Shepard's jawline. The way the woman's strong muscles twitched and tensed under her touch was enough to continue her unravelling, her entire body thrummed with desperation and want. Mouth mere millimetres away from Shepard's ear, she whispered in her best, most seductive of tones.

"I just want _you_."

* * *

Sam had entered the lobby not too long ago and was now relentlessly jabbing the lifts call button. Six minutes and counting. That was how long she had been waiting for a response. For the lift to _finally_ come her way. Someone was obviously taking their time getting to floor four…

Eventually, Traynor abandoned her useless quest for the lifts attention. It was a pointless endeavour. Or was she just being incredibly impatient…?

Either way, it mattered not. With a sigh, she took a few steps back, arms folding around her own body. Dark eyes scanned the reception. She squinted upon catching sight of a familiar green sign. _The fire exit_. Which, for the most part, was almost always also the stairwell. Giving the lift one last glance (now on floor four), Sam decided to chance it. No one was around to stop her, and she was too worried about Shepard and her wellbeing to care. At least, if the Commander was not in the apartment, she could continue her search elsewhere. Problem solved!

Samantha keeled over somewhere up the third flight of stairs.

Bracing herself for the final staircase, Sam stared it down with an undeniable steel in her eyes. "How I managed my way into the Alliance is beyond me…"

* * *

"-Wait, I've got this…" Shepard slammed, literally _slammed, _her key card against the sensor bar. A momentary pause kept both Liara and the Commander on tender hooks.

*Bleep* A flash of red.

Liara giggled as Shepard jokily shouldered the door. As if she were about to break it down.

"Here," Liara slipped the card from Shepard's grasp. She grinned. The frown on Shepard's face was apparently unmovable. She delicately swiped the key card to the sensor. Another momentary pause. Liara smiled at the sheer amount of concentration Shepard was aiming towards the door.

*Bleep, bleep* A flash of green.

Shepard's mouth fell open, which Liara kindly drew closed with the palm of her hand. "You may thank me later, Commander."

One of the human's eyebrows shot up, a suggestive look taking hold of her face. "I promise I intend to, Doctor…"

Once the door closed behind them Liara turned around, starting slightly as she came directly face to face with Shepard. The Commander backed her against the door. "Forget later." Shepard punctuated her bold statement by running her tongue over the ridge of Liara's ear, smirking when the Asari shuddered in her arms. "I want to thank you now."

"As much as I want that, too, Shepard," Liara moved her hands to the Spectre's chest, using them as leverage to gently push her backwards. "I really must use the facilities." As she walked by, a blue finger reached out, tracing the sharp line of Shepard's jaw before falling away. "If you will excuse me."

Shepard never once took her eyes off Liara as she ascended the stairs, and Liara knew it. She could feel the eyes burning into her… well, some slightly unsavoury parts of her anatomy.

Once she was out of sight, Shepard sighed, the tiny motion causing her to drunkenly stumble ever so slightly. She had a moment or two to think, but she didn't. Instead, she went into the kitchen, popped open a bottle of whiskey and perched herself on the arm of the couch.

*Knock-knock*

Shepard's head jolted around to the source of the intrusion.

*Knock-knock*

"Shepard, are you there?"

An icy grip seized her heart in her chest. _Samantha_… Shepard could not budge from where she sat. She was frozen.

"Please, if you're in there, at least let me know that you are okay. I need you- I need to _know_ so I can stop worrying." There was a lengthy pause. One so long, Shepard actually considered the possibility that her lover had left. "I love you."

Shepard's eyes slammed shut, the bottle abruptly coming back to her lips for a long, long drink. She heard the footsteps. Sam had definitely left this time. Not knowing what to really do, she brought up her omni-tool, typing out a message to Traynor as best she could, which really wasn't very great at all.

'_I's gooood n safe wivv suum friiendzz. i luv u seee you when i c uu'_

That would have to suffice. Shepard sighed, feeling her entire body deflate as she took another swig of whiskey.

"Shepard…?"

The Commander looked up, her eyes devouring Liara where she stood. This shouldn't be happening. This… this was _wrong_. "Hey."

It took four steps in total. Four excruciating steps before Liara was beside her, crouching in front of her, looking into her very soul with those beautiful blue orbs of hers.

Her face scrunched into deep concern. A bare blue hand reached out to pluck the bottle from Shepard's grasp, and that was when she noticed.

Shepard blinked. "You… you've changed?"

Liara smiled bashfully, looking down at herself in her modest state of undress. "I hope you do not mind?" The smile from Shepard was all she needed. "The armour is a great boon, but it does begin to wear after an amount of time…"

"What is mine, is yours." Shepard shrugged as she reached down, taking the bottle back out of Liara's hand for another drink before replacing it. "It suits you better, anyways."

Silence took hold of the air for a short time. Liara was not sure what had occurred during her time away from Shepard, but something was obviously bothering her now that was not bothering her a few moments earlier. She placed her hand upon Shepard's knee, rubbing soothing circles there. "What is the matter, Shepard?" The Commander sighed, hands reaching up to cradle her face.

"I'm an _awful_ person…"

Liara smiled at the muffled sound of her voice. She reached her own hands up, prying Shepard's away and into her hold. "Is there a particular reason for this, or are you just speculating?" Liara's heart skipped ever so slightly at the small smile she had managed to coax out of Shepard.

"What are we doing, Liara?" Shepard gave the Asari's hands a gentle squeeze. Her lame attempt at softening the blow of the question.

Liara felt the heat prickle at the back of her eyes, the hotness swelling in the base of her throat. She had a feeling she was not going to like where this was going. She began rubbing her thumbs across Shepard's palms. She was unsure whether this was supposed to be calming for her or for the Commander. "Whatever do you mean?"

Shepard looked her in the eyes. "This. U-Us…" She swallowed back, no doubt having similar issues to Liara. "What am _I _doing?" She clenched her jaw, visibly so, head turning to one side to avoid looking at the Asari anymore. "What about Sam…?"

That was it. Liara felt the realisation stab into her like one thousand knives in her stomach. She would be hard pressed to say she had given the Specialist a second thought. It was too much to hope that Shepard had felt the same way. "Ah, Samantha…"

Shepard slipped backwards on her perch, letting herself fall comfortably onto the couch. Liara took the initiative, parking herself beside her. She took a long drink of whiskey, not really thinking about it as she did so. "But, with you…" Shepard took hold of Liara's hand, fiddling with the delicate extremity in her own hands. "With you, I really felt _something_, you know?"

"Goddess, I know." Liara took another drink before placing the bottle on the floor beneath them.

"I…" There went her jaw tensing all over again. Liara felt her cheeks heat up, things beginning going ever so slightly hazy. Perhaps it was a good idea she had put the alcohol down when she had. "I love Sam, I do. But…" She gripped Liara's hand a little tighter. Liara scooted closer, until her side was flush against Shepard's. She was so close she could almost have been sat in the Spectre's lap.

Liara felt her blush grow.

Maybe it was best not to think of things such as that…

"But _what_, Shepard?" A slender blue digit hooked upon the woman's chin, drawing her to look at Liara.

"But," Their eyes locked, and both sets of hearts froze. "I am _in _love with you, Liara T'Soni."

For a long moment, all they did was stare at one another.

And then they both pounced like wildcats. Liara pulled Shepard on top of her whilst Shepard leapt to be on top of her. Their lips met in a searing kiss, passion and love so strong between them. Liara parted her legs to accommodate the Spectre. Which was probably an unwise move.

Shepard had been correct in her observations. Liara _had_ changed. She had slipped right out of her armour and straight into a baggy Alliance t-shirt. And that was all, besides her underwear, of course…

With her legs parted, the slightly chilled air was quick to make her feel just how wet she was for Shepard. The Spectre settled comfortably between her long blue legs as she let her lips slip away from Liara's own to kiss down her luxurious neck.

"Shepard, please…" Liara released a long, loud, erotic moan that made the Commander melt completely.

"Fuck." Shepard gripped the hem of Liara's borrowed shirt, yanking it over her head. And then Shepard froze.

Propping herself on one elbow, the other hand reaching up to caress Shepard's temple, Liara fought to catch her lover's gaze. "Shepard…? Shepard, is everything alright?"

Liara was beautiful. And, apparently, not a fan of bras. The Commander swallowed thickly. "Y-Yeah. You're just…" She shook her head, clearing some of the fog of lust. "You are so beautiful, Liara." Shepard ducked her head to carefully take one of Liara's nipples into her mouth. She wanted to draw more incredible moans from the Asari, and she succeeded. Liara flopped back onto the couch, back arching and moans flowing freely.

"Goddess…"

Shepard shifted her attentions to the other nipple, her lower half grinding against Liara of its own accord. Liara reached up, hand gripping her strong shoulder. Liara whimpered as a fresh wave of wetness flooded from her throbbing centre.

"Maybe one day I'll get you to moan my name, hmm?" Shepard smirked as she pulled back, tugging her own shirt over her head with an ease that bellied her inebriated state.

Liara laughed, but it soon trailed off into a moan. Shepard was magnificent. Her body… as if chiselled from marble. She was lithe, slender, but every ounce of her muscle was well earned. Her toned abdominals, her powerful shoulders, her throbbing biceps… Liara felt her grip on Shepard tighten. "I fear it shan't take long, Commander."

Shepard reached down, lifting Liara's hips with one hand as the other guided her ruined panties off and onto the floor. "I'm no slacker. I want to work to hear my name come from you."

Liara began writhing against the Spectre. There was a spot she desperately needed her new lover to pay attention to. In no time at all, Shepard was up, trousers and boxers tossed aside. Liara had little to no time to miss the Spectre's comforting weight atop her before she was back again.

They sealed their shared exposure with a slow, burning kiss. Liara threaded her fingers into the Commander's hair. She had only just discovered the texture of it, but she already knew that this was her new favourite thing in the world.

Well, that and the kisses Shepard started trailing down her naked body.

Shepard reached Liara's navel, making sure to pay extra attention to the smooth expanse of perfect blue skin surrounding it. She took this time to lift one of Liara's legs, hooking it over her shoulder.

"S-Shepard…?"

The small hint of nervousness in her voice was enough to immediately halt her explorations. "Are you okay?"

Liara's eyes darted everywhere but to Shepard's own. "I've… I have never done this before." Apparently, there was only so much liquid courage she could summon.

It finally clicked for the Commander. This explained a lot. She pressed a series of chaste kisses to Liara's lower abdomen, simply relishing the scent of her. "If you want to continue, I promise to take extra care." She pushed back up, kissing Liara soundly before returning to her previous position. "I'm in love with you." Shepard considered her next words. "Let _me_ love _you_."

Liara could see the absolute sincerity in Shepard's eyes. And she did trust her implicitly. That went without question. Liara nodded her head. That was all the permission Shepard needed.

She placed the softest of kisses to the insides of both her lover's thighs, enjoying the ripple of muscle beneath her lips. Liara held the side of the couch with a white knuckled grip. The Asari could feel her mind swimming. Not just from the intense pleasure, but from inebriation, too. This was everything she ever wanted, for as long as she could remember, anyway. Liara kicked herself for second guessing whether this should be happening right now. Not on a moral level. No. Where Shepard was concerned, apparently Doctor T'Soni had no scruples. It was a matter of self. Liara could feel the heat of the alcohol burning through her. She could feel it altering her perspective. Everything felt fuzzy, both mentally and physically.

If she and Shepard were going to do this, she really, really wanted to remember every last detail.

But that chain of thought died with the tongue swiping over her lower reaches.

A stuttered moan from herself broke Liara's own concentration, her grasp on the couch increasing tenfold. Even the mere sensation of Shepard's calloused hands gripping her waist was setting her alight. It was all too much. Nothing within her would dare to protest now.

Another, slower lick had Liara shuddering, hand threading deeper into the Spectre's hair. "S-Shepard…" Another shudder wracked the Asari's body when she felt the Commander grin against her.

"Much better."

Liara half-laughed-half-sighed, her grip, albeit remaining careful, tightened within Shepard's hair.

"Much better." She parroted, voice strained. _Goddess, so much better…_Her back arched further off the couch, an (almost) silent plea for more. Everything was getting the better of her. The sensations, mind and body. For almost as long as she had known Shepard, Liara had craved this closeness with her. This love. This passion. Just Shepard. Now she was _here_… _with_ her. Liara felt the blush creeping towards her face and she knew it had absolutely nothing to do with the copious amount of alcohol running through her system. She felt her shy demeanour returning.

"Liara?"

Liara looked down toward the gentle call of her name to be greeted by a pair of worried obsidian eyes. _Those eyes. _Blue finger's slipped from black hair, deciding to cup flesh, instead. Her thumb traced the Commander's cheek bone. _Eyes the colour of the darkest night. The deepest space, yet so full of life. Just like Shepard herself. A person really could get lost within them._

Shepard clumsily wiped her chin against her shoulder before pushing up to come face to face with her. Probably not the most elegant thing she had ever done. Liara snorted as her heart swelled. Shepard's eyes softened impossibly more. "You okay?" She nuzzled her nose against Liara's own. "I can stop if you want me to…"

Liara felt her body seize. "No." She never wanted Shepard to stop. Maybe that was the issue. Her other hand moved to the Spectre's face, too. Cradling her as though she was the most precious artefact in the Universe. Because she was exactly that in Liara's eyes. "Don't ever stop."

Liara smiled as Shepard frowned. Perhaps she really had had too much to drink, but she found the human's eyebrows particularly interesting. She traced the sharp, dark line with her thumb.

"What do you want, Liara?" A fire flared to life behind the Spectre's eyes that literally blew the air from Liara's lungs. Knowing this attention, _Shepard's_ attention, was all hers was arousing beyond belief. It was… _exhilarating_.

Embracing her temporary whiskey courage, Liara placed her hand atop one of Shepard's. She guided the hand down her body with the most excruciating of paces, until…

Liara pressed Shepard's hand against her centre, moulding it to cup herself. Shepard had been watching in between their bodies, but Liara hooked her finger beneath the human's chin, urging her to meet her gaze. Liara revelled in just how much she could see Shepard struggling to hold back. It was quite something, being the one to destroy the _Legend's_ usually unflappable self-control.

"I want you to love me." Liara pressed harder, sinking two of Shepard's fingertips inside herself.

Shepard's neck drooped, her forehead falling to the Asari's chest. "Fuck…"

Liara's inner walls clenched around the faint intrusion, throbbing with want for more. Every inch of her needed more. Her fingers went back into Shepard's hair. "Shepard, please." The Commander never left a job half-done. Liara did not want her to start doing so today.

Slowly, but oh-so-surely, Shepard began sinking her fingers deeper inside her. Inch by glorious inch, only stopping once or twice to reassure her lover with kisses and sweet nothing's.

"Goddess, Shepard." Liara pulled her into a sweltering hot kiss that seemed to transcend the pair of them. Not one of them knew exactly when Shepard had begun thrusting, but neither was in a position to complain. Liara clutched helplessly at every inch of Shepard she could reach whilst Shepard pushed her closer and closer to the edge of oblivion. "I-I need-"

The Spectre cut her off by sealing their lips together. She knew what Liara wanted. She pulled back slightly, dark eyes meeting their angelic counterparts. "Go ahead."

Liara was prepared to take a few moments to rein in her bearings, but a particularly rough thrust from Shepard, hitting her in just the most perfect of spots, drove her straight into the meld. She at least tried to mutter an "Embrace eternity." Before initiating it.

It was beautiful. Not like before. Shepard never fought her. Never erected barriers to keep her away. No angry colours to greet her. Their joining was perfection. Shepard's body moved against her, moved inside her, but Liara felt her _everywhere_. Red hot within her veins. Within her mind. Quiet intellect, impossible strength, divine power, all of it surged within their link. It was _undeniably_ Shepard. Liara's heart felt as though it was skipping beats at every turn. She had never felt anything so wonderful.

And, beneath it all, there was love. A deep, throbbing, intense love, the likes of which Liara never thought possible. And it was all for her.

Somewhere in the fog of it all, Shepard curled her digits forward, and Liara's breath caught. She clutched tighter at her soldier. They began moving together in a gentle but persistent rhythm.

Never, in all of her many (and there had been a lot of them) dreams, would Liara have imagined being this close to Shepard would feel so good. There was only so much her mind could conjure up. Only so much research she could do to add depth to her imagination. But no image or vid could come close to the reality. The love behind it all. It was the _fuel_.

Shepard traced her tongue in one of the sensitive folds upon her lover's neck. An erogenous zone not to be forgotten. Liara's hold upon her increased impossibly more. For the first time in a long time, Shepard actually felt safe. She allowed herself that much. Everything felt correct. Perfect. She felt Liara begin to flutter around her invading fingers, clamping around her and gripping for all their worth. She sped up the motion of her thumb on the ridge above Liara's opening. A string of whimpers and moans showing her she was unbelievably close.

Shepard was clueless to how she managed to stay away from this Asari before. Her beauty, her intelligence, her mental and physical strength, everything that made Liara who she is. It was everything Shepard loved about her. Without noticing it, this wave of realisation, the love, swept through their meld like the tide to the shore. It washed over Liara, filling her with everything Shepard had to give.

And that was the final push.

Liara's digits threaded deeper within Shepard's short hair, pulling tan flesh flush against blue. "Ah, Shep-Shepard!" Liara's impossible tightness clung desperately to Shepard as she was carried into an intense orgasm. The Commander continued moving against her, guiding her through orgasm after orgasm and, finally, the aftershocks, too.

Shepard collapsed atop her lover, but managed not to suffocate the Asari beneath her weight. Liara's breathing remained quite hectic as Shepard's settled. Dark eyes zoned into the fireplace ahead of her. She was looking, but she really was not seeing.

Liara frowned out of concern, her fingernails lightly scraping at the back of Shepard's neck. "What are we going to do, Liara?"

Despite the levity of the question itself, Liara could not help but chuckle at the muffled sound of Shepard's voice against her breasts. The Spectre groaned, not too unlike a child, before dragging a pillow over her face. Her sorry attempt at hiding from the situation at hand.

"Where did Shepard go?"

"Liara T'Soni, space comedian."

Liara smiled as she peeled the cushion away, tossing it somewhere behind them. Her fingers returned to playing with her lover's hair. "What would you like to do?" She felt the woman shrug.

"Steal the Normandy and elope with you forevermore." Shepard rubbed her face, giving her pause. "I could also go for a sandwich, right now…"

Liara rolled her eyes, good naturedly, of course. "You are a fool if you think I would let you pilot the Normandy. I still have nightmares about the Mako."

Shepard shifted her position, bolting upright so she could look down at Liara, mouth agape. "I'm offended. Genuinely offended." Her arms crossed. The pose did not have quite the same effect on its audience when the Commander was naked. "My driving is nothing short of magnificent."

Liara sat up, too. "Are you forgetting about the skycar chase with Vasir?"

Shepard eyed her, arms unfolding. "You just can't stand being so close to me without being able to do anything." Liara's face contorted into outrage and Shepard's flourished into a smile. "I've got you pegged, T'Soni."

"Believe what you must, Shepard. I am just here to keep your ego over-inflated."

"Ouch!"

Liara smiled, a bubble of laughter escaping her. It felt good -_right_\- being like this with Shepard. Like it was always supposed to be this way. Shepard took her hand, threading their contrasting fingers together. Liara could sense that the invisible weight was now back upon her lover's shoulders. She stroked the back of the Spectre's hand.

"Seriously, Liara… what-" She swallowed thickly, attempting to look at anything that wasn't beautiful and blue. "-What are we going to do?"

Liara opened her mouth to answer, but was swiftly, and rudely, interrupted by yet another buzz at the door. Shepard turned to look at the surveillance feed. "Crap…" She managed to slip on her boxers, trousers and one sock, scooping up the rest of her gear as she got to her feet. "Go upstairs. Pretend you're sleeping." She scratched her head as she looked back to the feed, messing up her hair even more than it already was. "I'll think of something."

Liara threw on the shirt she had been wearing earlier. "Shepard?" She grabbed the Commander's hand, pulling her back to her and into one last heated kiss. They both parted, panting, eyes hungrily roaming all over one another. Liara caressed Shepard's jaw, eyes full of love. "We will _both_ think of something." Their foreheads pressed together, noses nuzzling. "I am in love with you, too. Madly so."

_*Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz*_

"Sleep tight, T'Soni."

Shepard waited until Liara was well and truly out of sight before slipping on her N7 t-shirt and plodding over to the door.

"Finally!" Joker bustled through the door faster than Shepard every thought he could. And, from behind him, flooded in a sea of other crewmates. "I was beginning to think you were still out partying."

Shepard smacked her lips, palms roughly rubbing at her eyes. All part of the act. "God no. I _was_ trying to sleep."

Garrus' mandibles twitched, his irritating way of grinning. "You don't say?"

"Stow it." They both laughed, but Shepard was caught short by the sudden throbbing in the back of her head. Of course the booze would choose now to take its revenge.

"Where's Doctor T'Soni?" Steve materialised beside Vega, bottle of water in hand. Water which Shepard promptly nabbed.

She took a swig before handing it back, her other hand gesturing towards the staircase. "She crashed up there."

Joker laughed wholeheartedly. "So both Liara _and_ Tali can't handle their drink?" He laughed even harder. Shepard prayed he would break a rib just so the noise would stop.

"How is Tali, anyway?"

"Specialist Traynor kindly offered to look after her in our absence."

"Wait, what? Where are they?"

Garrus, looking as smug as a Turian could, gave Shepard a pat upon the shoulder. "She's safe and sound. Tucked up nicely back aboard the Normandy..."

* * *

"Shhuuuuuuum. Shhuuuuuuum."

Traynor bounced helplessly on the spot, hands wringing. "T-Tali? I really must insist you come down from there!"

"Wuhwuhwuhwuhwuh." Tali spread her arms as she span around on top of one of the med bay's beds. "Shhuuuuuuum. Wuhwuhwuhwuhwuh. Shhuuuuuuum. Wuhwuhwuhwuhwuh. Shhuuuuuuumaaanthaaa."" She paused mid-spin, stumbling ever so slightly. Sam outstretched her arms in Tali's direction, though, she wasn't sure exactly what she planned to do if the Quarian _did_ tumble. "Shumantha."

"I, uhm… actually, it's-"

"Wuhwuhwuhwuhwuh." Tali looked towards her feet. "Help me down, Shumantha."

The Specialist jolted a little. She wanted Tali safely on the ground. Then she could go to her bunk and try not to worry. Try. She rubbed the bridge of her nose. It was times like this where Sam needed Shepard. Shepard's Gorgeous, bright smile. Shepard's strong arms. Shepard's soothing voice. Those things alone were what was currently getting Samantha through this horrific war.

She offered Tali her hands, which were accepted a little more heavily than thought. Tali thudded down onto the bed upon her backside. Her prolonged silence causing Samantha great worry. She held onto the Quarian's hand a little tighter.

"Garrus is handsome, isn't he?" Tali nodded to herself. "He is the Fleet to my Flotilla."

Samantha slapped her free hand to her face. "Christ alive…"

* * *

A/N: I apologise for the gargantuan chapter. I had a lot to say. Thank you for reading so far! Much, much more to come. *Evil laughter*


	10. Accidents Happen

**Gas, Air and Rum:**

**N.J Jordbrukaren.**

* * *

**Cha****p****ter Ten: Accidents Ha****pp****en.**

_I miss you. – Samantha._

The message that had greeted her first thing this morning. The message that had booted her into panic mode. The message that had prompted Shepard's sudden urge for solitude.

Clothing had hastily been fixed, boots laced less intricately than usual and away she had went. Shepard had no idea where she was headed. She was only armed with the knowledge that she should simply follow her feet. So she did.

And here she was, tucked beneath a desk in the Spectre office in the Embassies. A safe place, if ever there was one.

_I miss you. _

Shepard read it over and over and over again. In itself, it was really nothing major. Sam was her girlfriend, and they hadn't seen each other for a time. Natural. Only, ever so slightly less natural due to the fact that Shepard, not five hours ago, had slept with someone else. Someone who wasn't Sam. Someone who wasn't her girlfriend.

_I miss you. _

Her heart hammered in her chest. _I miss you, too. _Eyes full of sadness, she closed the message, still having not penned a reply. _But I love Liara, too. _Perhaps Shepard wouldn't include that last piece of information when it came to her real reply.

God, what kind of mess had she gotten herself into this time?

Maybe she'd just let the next Husk she encountered actually bite her face off. Problem solved! Unless they brought her back from the dead again. Problem unsolved.

So… hiding under the special Spectre desk was it for the day.

"Shepard…?"

"Oh, dear god!" She started, cracking her head off the metallic panel behind her. Feet shuffled, came closer, bending as the intruder crouched. Kaidan's face came into view. "What are you doing here?"

Half amused, half confused, he chuckled. That chuckle that always reminded her of a middle aged father… in the nicest possible way. "Spectre, now, remember?" She nodded dumbly, still reeling from the bang to her head. "I'm more concerned with what you're doing here."

"Spectre, now, remember?"

Another fatherly laugh. Shepard actually joined him this time. "Thanks for reminding me." The crouch must have gotten uncomfortable for him. Instead, he shifted into a sit, arms wrapping around his knees. "Seriously, though, under a table?"

"Desk."

"Whatever." His eyes roamed over the piece of furniture. "What's up?"

She paused. There was no way she could spin this that wouldn't make her look even nuttier than she currently did. "I… dropped my earring."

He frowned. "You don't wear earrings."

"Now I can see why they made you a Spectre."

"Avoiding the question can only get you so far, Shepard."

She sighed, palming her face. "What I say stays here, understood, Major?"

Kaidan outstretched his pinkie. "Spectre promise." Shepard connected hers to his. Kaidan tried to ignore the rush he felt from the pathetic touch.

"Spectre promise."

"So…?"

Shepard shrugged. "You ever do something so stupid?"

He nodded, shifting a little closer so he could also rest his back against the table… _desk_ panel. "I spent the entire time on the SR1 trying to fix that damn computer in the mess hall. Never managed it. That was pretty stupid." Kaidan purposefully forgot to mention that he had fallen in love with the very same Commander he was sat so closely to right this second, completely letting the fact that she was gay go straight over his head. That was a little stupid, too. More than a little. Majorly stupid. Majorly _Kaidan_ Stupid. He grinned at his own joke.

"We all need distractions, I guess. And it kept you busy."

_Busy from thinking about you. _That was a lie. It didn't help. "I guess so, yeah." _Lie_. "So what? Have you screwed up somewhere?"

She sighed, resting her head upon his shoulder. Kaidan swallowed hard. Goddamnit, he needed to get over this… _thing_. "Not somewhere. _Everywhere_."

"Tell me about it."

"I… maybe that's not such a good idea. Everyone has enough on their plates at it is, you don't need my drama on top of that." She made an effort to move.

"Hey! Where are you going?" Alenko looked down at her, taking a firm hold of her hand, stopping her. "You need to vent as much as anyone else does. Commander Shepard _isn't_ infallible." Her eyes really were quite something. "So, uhm, talk to me."

She smiled. _God, she smiled_. He couldn't fall into the Shepard trap again. It only led to dead ends. "I think… do you think it's possible to love two people at the same time?"

Kaidan felt his heart seize. Two people? That was Liara and? He grit his jaw. He was an intelligent man and this was beneath him. Shepard liked girls, women… _asari_! Not men, and certainly not him. But her touch… Alenko cleared his throat. "With you, anything's possible, Commander." _Good. Defence in the form of humour. Now I'm turning into Joker._

"It's stupid, I shouldn't have said anything."

"No-no!" Kaidan grabbed her to stop her from leaving again. Shepard's arms shot out to brace herself on the panel, one either side of the Major's head, they found themselves in rather… _close_ quarters. Kaidan could feel her hot breath upon his cheek. She smelt of cinnamon. Beautiful, delirium-inducing cinnamon. He bit his lower lip. She frowned. "Please don't leave."

"Kaidan..." Her voice was soft. Softer than he'd ever heard it. The sound flowed through his ears like a hot spoon through honey. "I think you've-"

A kiss. Softer still. He couldn't help himself even if he had wanted to. Though, he wished he had. A hand on Kaidan's chest gently urged him away. Back against the panel. Dark eyes examined him, as if seeing him for the first time. There was a spark of hope-

"Kaidan, I'm…" Shepard crawled away, shooting to her feet. "I'm sorry."

She was gone before he could even blink. Out of sight, but not quite out of mind.

Kissing her had been a mistake. It didn't feel like that to him, but it was. Kaidan had chased her away. This would destroy their friendship, and, really, that was all he had. It had been enough. Why did he have to get so greedy?

_She was trying to confide in you and you took advantage. What kind of man are you? _One hand lifted, massaging his temples. "I'm such a jerk."

* * *

A/N: Sorry for such a short chapter, folks! I've been trying to bludgeon my way through a bad spell of writer's block. This was all I could churn out that made me remotely satisfied. I'm going to plough on. Expect more soon!


	11. Dekuuna Eyes

**Gas, Air and Rum:**

**N.J Jordbrukaren.**

* * *

**Cha****p****ter Eleven: Dekuuna E****y****es.**

"Place is a little dank for you, don't you think?"

Shepard, face smooshed into the palm of her hand, glanced towards the interruption. "Dank is good."

Jacob shrugged, taking the stool beside her. He was no introvert, but Jacob liked to be quiet. In all his years, he had learned that focus was the key, whether on the battlefield or during conversation. He gaged things well before they needed gaging. Perhaps some of Miranda's cautiousness had rubbed off on him after all. "I'm not judging. Whatever helps you sleep at night."

They lapsed into a comfortable silence. Well, comfortable for Jacob. He wasn't sure about her. "Want some… stuff?" Shepard slid the bottle to him. _Tequila. _Strong stuff, too. He looked up from the bottle.

"I shouldn't." Shepard's head lulled forward, face meeting the bars surface with a slight thud. "By the looks of it, you shouldn't, either."

"You're not my mother, Taylor."

Before he could stop her, the bottle was already out of his control and back in hers. More silence. Jacob clasped his hands together atop the bar, looking every ounce the prude Shepard figured him to be. "So, what's the damage this time?"

Shepard groaned in frustration. Talking really was overrated. "Damage?"

"Yeah." _Thanks, Jacob, you bitch. _"I may not know you as well as Miranda does, but I know enough." Jacob paused to consider his next words. "In your books, bad missions and strong booze go together like, well… Commander Shepard and Medi-Gel."

_If only Medi-Gel could fix a torn mind… _Shepard sighed, taking a huge gulp straight from the bottle. "Bad missions and Commander Shepard go together quite well, too, you know?" Jacob chuckled at that. Should she be offended?

"Don't dodge the question, Shepard."

She was surprised he hadn't made it further in his Alliance career back in the day, being the hard ass that he seemed. Shepard's bloodshot eyes fell to a close as she rubbed at her temple. "You ever make mistakes?" Eyes open. She gave Jacob a once over. "Stupid question. Of course you don't."

More laughter. At least someone was enjoying themselves. "Everyone does. Even you, believe it or not."

"I believe it, alright…"

Shepard watched as Jacob wrestled with something internal. Like he didn't know whether to say something or keep it locked away. She pushed the tequila bottle his way. This time he didn't reject it.

"Brynn's pregnant, Shepard."

She guessed that blew her woes right out of the water.

"Wow. You move quickly." Shepard observed him. Jacob was still struggling. Maybe some of Miranda's cautiousness had rubbed off on her, too. "Congratulations?"

His bulky arms crossed over his form, hand reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "I never planned for this, Shepard. Never really wanted it, never really thought about it… never really considered it an option."

"So you're… _not_ happy about it?"

"Hard to feel happy about anything in the middle of this war," Shepard's eyes were boring into him in that way that pushed you into telling the truth. Jacob sagged. "I mean, Brynn… she's… she's-"

"-Do you love her?" She interrupted. Jacob Taylor genuinely was, for all her joking, a typical Alliance guy. He kept his inner turmoil's squared away unless shoved. Taylor was a man's man, through and though.

"Yeah?" This was not the Jacob Shepard knew. The old Jacob was certain of everything he did, every move he made. "I do, but… _a baby_? There's a war on. Is this the time? What if we fail? What then?"

"Thinking like that is only going to drag you down. You're better than that. Than _this_. I know you, too. You don't do anything unless you know it's right. Follow your gut. You've got good instincts, Jacob."

His head dropped forward, as if it were too heavy for his neck, nostrils flaring as he released a long breath of air. "Yeah, you're right. I guess the possibility of being wiped out has a way of putting things into perspective."

_Well, almost. _Maybe fretting over your love life was not the done thing when the galaxy's fate literally hung in the balance. Maybe. Maybe not. Ugh, her brain hurt. Shepard drank some more.

"So?"

"So…?"

Jacob grinned, shaking his head. If Commander Shepard were a book, each word would be typed in a different language – impossible to read. That was her. "I vented, now it's your turn."

_Crap._

Should she? Maybe getting it off her chest would help? Maybe Jacob could help? Unlikely. He'd probably just say "Focus on the war." Like she wasn't already… Shepard played with the bottle in her hands, eyes distant. Jacob had never seen her like this. Hopefully, he'd never have to again. She was the strongest woman he knew. The strongest woman he had ever known. Seeing her so cut up was hardly a morale booster.

"I fucked up pretty bad."

"Figures."

Shepard frowned. "Thanks for the vote of confidence…"

"Not what I meant." Jacob shifted forward, resting his elbow on the bar so he could get a better look at her. "I've never seen you this shaken before, and we've been through hell… literally. If something's hitting you, making you like this, it's gotta be big." She merely nodded, more focused on peeling the label off the bottle than what he had to say. "I've got time, so talk."

"I…" _Bite the bullet. _"I love two people and I don't know what to do about it."

Jacob laughed. Like, actually _laughed_. God, his sense of humour was shockingly awful.

"Yeah, thanks for the help."

He managed to compose himself. Very barely. Wiping away his tears, catching his breath. "Sorry, Shepard. It's just… you know… you're _you. _I've heard the stories of Tuchanka, about the Thresher Maw and the Reaper. I heard how you got into a fist fight with the old Shadow Broker and won. How you took down Saren and Sovereign. Hell, I even saw you dead and come back to life." Jacob grabbed the tequila, having some more. "That that never phased you once, yet you're here, wringing your hands and panicking because of love, that's… well, it's certainly something."

Shepard gave a small laugh of her own. "When you put it like that…"

"Come on, then. You started it, so you have to finish. I want the details." His hand shot up, catching the bartender's attention. Soon enough, before them stood a Salarian wearing a colourful poncho and a sombrero… _somehow_. "Another bottle and two shot glasses."

"You planning on drinking me under the table?" Shepard smirked.

"No, I plan on kicking your ass to the curb." The Salarian returned. Went beyond the call of duty with added salt shakers and chopped limes. He stood on standby. Jacob poured two shots. "But, not before you tell me about this little triangle of yours."

"You're on, Taylor."

* * *

**Man****y**** hours later…**

Shepard was perched on top of the bar, guitar in hand, absolutely trashed out of her mind.

"-Am I in too deep? Have I lost my mind?

I don't care. You're here tonight.

I can be your hero, baby!

I can kiss away the pain! _Oh, yeah_…"

Shepard stroked the sombrero toting Salarian's face, index finger lingering upon his lips before returning to the borrowed guitar.

"I will stand by you forever.

You can take… _my breath away_."

Somewhere along the way, a crowd had gathered, and now, they were all applauding her. Even Jacob.

"Genuine enthusiasm: Encore!"

"Alright-" Shepard blinked a few times. Things were becoming blurry. Perhaps she was working too hard. "-This one," She pointed to the big grey lump of Elcor in the far corner. "Is for you, my four legged friend."

"Black… Dekuuna eyes,

Teardrops are falling from your Dekuuna eyes,

Please, please don't cry,

This is just goodbye and not 'deep sadness: I hope to meet you again someday'-"

"This one would recognise its face _anywhere_!"

"_Crap_." Shepard dropped the guitar. "Speaking of goodbyes…" She leapt over the bar, grabbing Jacob as she went. He knew not to question her motives. Not unless he wanted to die.

The pair of them bolted from the only Mexican themed bar on the Citadel, hopping into the nearest cab they could find. "Want to tell me what that was all about?" Jacob felt proud. He only slurred a little.

The cab had been programmed and set to auto-pilot. And just in the nick of time. As it took off, the Hanar came floating over. Shepard fell back into her seat with a relieved sigh. If this war didn't kill her, that Hanar certainly would.

"I may or may not have destroyed his shop…"

"I shouldn't have asked." Both of their tequila soaked reactions were slow. Jacob glanced around the cab, taking in his surroundings. "Where we going, anyway?"

"I don't know. I pressed for the first location that came up."

Jacob, with great effort stretched forward enough to make out the text. Had it always been this blurry, or was it just him? No. It can't have been him. Jacob grinned to himself. _I'm perfect. _"Sh-Sh-Sh- the Consorts Chambers?" He plopped back heavily with a groan. "Shep, I think you're great, but we are not going to see an asari prostitute together…"

"Sha'ira isn't a prostitute!"

"Pfft, _whatever_."

They didn't fall silent on purpose. Drunken Jacob's brain took a lot of concentration to work correctly. Drunken Shepard was much the same. They were both thinking. Jacob beat her to it.

"What're you gonna do, huh?"

"About what?"

"Your lady troubles."

Shepard shrugged, struggling to keep her eyes open. "I don't know."

"Right, close your eyes."

"They're already closed."

"Oh." Jacob chuckled. "I'm going to punch you-"

Both of her eyes were well and truly open now. "_What_? _Why_?"

His hands shot up in a pacifying gesture. Luckily, she heeded. "Wait, wait! Get this, I'm gonna punch you. First girl you think of afterwards, I'll program this thing to take you to them. Deal?"

Shepard rolled her eyes. "That's a terrible idea."

He reached his hand out. "Deal?"

A moment of contemplation. Though, Shepard didn't contemplate very much at all. Other than whether or not the skycar was spinning or if it was just her. She refocused, staring at him as best she could. "_Fine_," They shook hands. "Deal."

"Okay, okay. Close your eyes."

She was reluctant, but trust won out. Shepard did as ordered.

And she had been right the first time, this had been a terrible idea. Now she had a bloody nose to prove it.

"You punched my face!" His shrug made her gawk. "_My face_!"

"Where else was I supposed to punch you?"

"Oh, I don't know- my arm, maybe?"

Realisation washed over Jacob. "Ah… that might have been a better idea…. My bad."

Shepard clutched at her nose, trying to quell the flow of blood. "You think?!"

"So?"

"Is that your favourite question today?"

He ignored her sarcasm. "Did it work? Who'd you think of?"

Despite the playful atmosphere they had going here, this was quite an important decision. Not one she should be making whilst she was as drunk as she was right now. But it was too late for that. She told him.

"Alright, now we're cooking with gas!" His fingers zipped over the interface, turning the skycar in the other direction. "Let's get this show on the road, shall we?"


	12. N7 Boxer Briefs Are Absolutely Essential

**Gas, Air and Rum:**

**N.J Jordbrukaren. **

**A/N: **_Things are about to get a little bit smutty up in here, so if you don't like that kind of thing, well, do some knitting?_

* * *

**Cha****p****ter Twelve: N7 Boxer Briefs Are Absolutely Essential.**

True to his word, Jacob had taken her where he thought she needed to go. Whether that was actually true was another matter entirely. Shepard just felt like she needed a glass of water and a good old fashioned sit down. But, apparently, even on shore leave, there was no rest for the wicked.

…And she really was as wicked as they came.

It was quite something, sleeping with a beautiful asari and not being able to feel proud about it. Actually, that was a half-truth. Shepard couldn't help but smirk every time she thought about how she had taken Liara. _Three and a bit years_ – three and a bit years of infatuation, lust and unrequited… love, only to discover it was not so unrequited after all. The very thoughts that had fueled Shepard's fantasies all these years were actually now a reality.

She had _had _Liara.

Possessed her so thoroughly that the asari had _screamed_ for her. _Because_ of her.

Shepard paused, gripping the railing besides Docking Bay D-24's exit airlock. Was she that drunk or was it something else? She shook her head, blinking unevenly.

Shepard _really_ needed to sit down.

* * *

It was late, but never too late for the engineers. Retrofits were still ongoing. Very much ongoing, if the state of the Normandy's interior was anything to go by.

Shepard powered through the CIC, knowing exactly where she had to be. Jacob's advice had been sound, regardless of how drunk he was, too. But now was not the time. Decisions under the influence never worked in her favour, as recent events had very well proven. Despite how much they made her throb and clench…

Shepard had never been so grateful for her Spectre status. She was allowed to be on the Normandy, and no one could say otherwise. Or risk being launched from the nearest airlock. Engineers and specialists alike saluted her as she passed by. It was humbling in its own way. Knowing that, even in this current climate of war and destruction, command still meant something.

Or maybe Shepard was still too drunk.

That last one sounded about right.

She stepped into the elevator, feeling far too pleased at having hit the button for her cabin on the first try.

* * *

Shepard felt it before she saw anything. That prickling upon the back of her neck that told her there was someone in her proximity. She unlocked her cabin door, glancing around the luxurious space for a trace of them.

_Spotted… oh…_

"Traynor…?" Wearing nothing but a silky black robe. An incredibly short, silky black robe…

"Oh, Commander," She spun on the spot, datapad in hand. Shepard swallowed hard. Why was she surrounded by women who insisted upon making 'smart' look so incredibly irresistible? "I didn't realise you were…" Sam felt her heart lodge in her throat as Shepard approached her. The predatory look in her eyes almost made her melt into a puddle right on the very spot she occupied. She reached backwards, gripping the desk closest to the bed for support.

Shepard's dark gaze practically devoured her as she made her way down the steps. Sam licked her lower lip and Shepard had to resist the urge to jump her there and then. Caramel legs… had they always been so endless and… smooth? Shepard sighed. This was not how this was supposed to go. She came here to sober up. To have a moment. To _think_.

Now she couldn't think at all.

"That's…" Shepard frowned, taking another step closer. "Not regulation."

Traynor hooked her finger upon Shepard's collar, tugging her in for a hot, heavy kiss. Lips parted, tongues probed. As with most things, the Commander fought for dominance. They played no roles, but she was used to being in charge. Old habits were hard to break. Not that Sam minded at all. Traynor's fingers threaded into Shepard's hair, holding her close. She had missed this. The intimacy. The feel of Shepard. Simply touching her. Even her presence bolstered her. It was something Samantha both desperately craved and needed.

Her hands were everywhere. It was intoxicating. Their rough, calloused edges only proving to be a boon. Shepard pulled on the sash keeping Samantha's robe sealed. The silky strip untangled as if that were its sole purpose in life. Their lips separated as the robe was urged open. Samantha had always been modest about her body, but the way Shepard's gaze burned lines into her flesh made her forget about it. About everything really.

Powerful hands gripped the backs of her thighs, effortlessly lifting her so she was sat upon the desk. Samantha blushed at how instinctively she spread her legs. That was Shepard's doing. It was all Sam ever seemed to want to do around the Spectre. She radiated a kind of power that almost demanded it of her. She could see in the involuntary flexing of Shepard's muscles that the act was very much appreciated. Shepard stepped into the space in between her thighs, hands moving to rest atop them.

"I think you need to work on your dirty talk, Commander." Traynor admitted, rather breathlessly.

Shepard smirked, pushing the silk off of one of Samantha's shoulders, kissing the freshly exposed skin. She smelt delightful. She paused, pulling back slightly. "You had a shower?" Traynor bit her lip, looking away. "Without me?"

Sam laughed. Shepard loved her laugh. It was so… _genuine_. "There are a lot of things I do without you, you know."

Of course the great Commander Shepard caught the suggestive inflection in Traynor's tone. She narrowed her eyes. "Care to elaborate on that, Specialist?"

Sam bit her lip again. She pondered the question briefly. In reality, the statement was truer than she would like. But, perhaps one day, it wouldn't have to be. That thought gave her all the comfort and confidence she needed. Her voice lowered an octave, that familiar, seductively breathy tone returning.

"_This_…"

Shepard's eyes followed Samantha's hand as it withdrew from the back of her neck, tracing an unbearably slow path down her body that ended between Sam's legs.

Shepard's breath hitched as the other woman began touching herself. It was all for show, but the Commander cared not. Even less when Samantha released a soft little moan.

Sam's other hand shifted from her hair, gripping Shepard's shoulder. The bite of her fingernails was not at all unpleasant. It was the anchor keeping her tethered to this moment. And, god, Shepard needed it.

Perhaps it wasn't _all_ for show. More moans, more whimpers tumbled from the smaller woman. Shepard felt herself burning up. She didn't think twice about removing her shirt, tossing it behind her. Traynor returned her hand to Shepard's shoulder, revelling in the flesh-on-flesh contact. And the sight of her impressive musculature. The way Shepard's toned abs twitched each time she made a sound was the fire within her veins.

"Shepard…" Sam's eyes were dark, anyway, but now they were more pupil than iris. She looked desperate. Shepard needed that. She needed _her_.

Sam felt the lips against her jaw, kissing trails here, there and everywhere. The teeth nipping at her earlobe. Her _weakness_. The hold she had upon Shepard's strong shoulder tightened. "I want you."

The only response Sam could give was a sob of frustration. Shepard had cupped the hand she had working herself into a frenzy, halting her. "Please-" If she could bring herself to care, Sam would probably feel embarrassed at just how needy she sounded. "I… I missed you so much. Now you're here and I… I want you, too." Sam whimpered. "I want you so much all the time."

That last part caught Shepard's attention. She retook her earlier position, gripping Sam's legs. She said nothing as she dropped to her knees, using her strength to pull Samantha to the edge of the desk. Shepard placed one of Traynor's feet upon her shoulder, pushing the other so it simply fell open.

Sam felt hot. Boiling, in fact. She was so exposed, and Shepard looked enthralled by what she had before her. The Spectre peppered kisses across the insides of Samantha's thighs, relishing in the way the Specialist's head lulled back, exposing pert breasts and the unbearably attractive sweep of her elegant neck.

Shepard couldn't take it any longer. She needed Sam as much as Sam needed her. Thumbs gently parted swollen, wet folds, exposing her further. And Shepard swore she could survive on the noises Traynor made, alone. It was a careful first brush, but the having Shepard finally where she needed her most was electric. The hand not keeping her propped up, threaded back into Shepard's hair.

Shepard could not believe just how badly she had overlooked Sam's beauty. The woman was perfect. She circled Sam's engorged bud, dragging a pleading cry from the woman so sincere that Shepard couldn't help but give her what she wanted.

"Shepard!" Traynor's lips parted in a silent scream, the fingers in her hair tightening.

Sam knew how wet she was. The chilled, recycled air of the cabin proved as much. She cursed Shepard for being able to make her this way. It was disgusting how aroused and wet she could make her with just one look, or with a single flex of her muscles.

Shepard placed the most reverent of kisses to Samantha's tip. "So beautiful." The way that she made it sound almost as if she was making an observation to herself drew another flood of wetness from Sam's core. And that certainly did not go unnoticed by Shepard. Before she could form a reply, that skilled tongue was back between her legs and, then, inside of her. Sam's breaths began coming hard and fast. The fingers in the Commander's hair relinquished their hold, instead moving to cup the back of her head, holding her close.

"Oh, god…" Sam gasped. "You're so… _bloody hell_." More moaning. Sam felt Shepard grin against her thigh. She was going to kick Shepard's arse for turning her into such a mess. Not literally, of course. Not that she'd be able to, anyway. Though, she'd love to try… if it turned into more of this.

Her thoughts cut short as Shepard's tongue returned to her hard ridge, flicking, circling and tracing. Sam removed her hand from the desk, using it to cup and knead her breast. Something Shepard highly approved of, if the loss of contact was anything to go by. Samantha cracked her eye open, glancing down at her gawking lover. Honestly, how had she managed to become a Spectre if she was so easily distracted?

"_Ahem_…"

Shepard realised her faux pas. "Oh. Uhm. You're just so…"

"Unsatisfied?" The dangerous way that the Spectre's eyes narrowed caused Samantha's insides to clench. "_Please_?" She knew that her pleading tone would hit the Commander hard. And she was right. She immediately went back to work. As did Samantha's hand upon her breast. Knowing just how much Shepard appreciated the sight was an added incentive. She pinched her own nipple just as that oh so talented tongue slipped back inside of her.

"W-What did I- _ah_! Do to… deserve you?" Sam's words were punctuated with alternating gasps and moans. Shepard pulled out, kissing Samantha's tender opening.

"I should be the one asking that."

Sam's mouth fell agape with a particularly good spot being hit. Shepard took note. "_Hardly_." Her tone was strained. She was close. "I…"

She couldn't finish even if she wanted to. Shepard replaced her probing tongue with her fingers, pushing them inside her lover with no resistance whatsoever. Sam gripped Shepard's wrist, chest heaving with pleasure at the unexpected sensation of being so thoroughly filled. She pumped the Spectre's hand experimentally before urging a third finger of Shepard's inside herself. The Commander watched, transfixed as the woman fucked herself with her fingers. She felt Sam begin to flutter around her, helping her along by re-introducing her tongue.

"I can't… oh, _Shepard_." She relinquished the Spectre's hand, deciding it best to allow her to use it herself. And Shepard did. Tongue tracing Samantha's bud, Shepard curled the fingers inside of her, hitting the place that always drove her to the edge. As suspected, Sam released a litany of moans, and a few "Shepard's". Velvety soft walls clamped down around Shepard's invading digits, holding her in position as Sam rode out wave after wave of intense pleasure. Her body thrummed, breaths coming fast and harsh. Shepard loved seeing her let go. Sam really _was_ beautiful.

One final gasp signalled her final orgasm. She sagged back against the wall, still breathless. Shepard stood, dragging a whimper out of Traynor as the fingers still buried inside her shifted.

"Are you okay?" Shepard tugged the limp woman towards her, sighing contentedly when she draped across her chest.

"Regardless of the fact that Commander Shepard literally just shagged me senseless? _Blissful_."

Shepard chuckled, half at Sam's words, half at the way her voice was muffled against her chest. "Come here." Shepard, one arm behind Traynor's knees, the other supporting her back, scooped Sam up, carrying her over to the bed with ease. "Better?"

Samantha shrugged, pulling Shepard on top of her. "I think you are far to overdressed."

Shepard cocked her eyebrow. "Cabin rules?"

"_My_ rules." She corrected. "You are always wearing too many clothes." Sam grabbed Shepard's belt, beginning to undo it. Next, she reached for the fly of her fatigues, copping a feel as she did so.

"I doubt any of the crew would appreciate me strolling around the Normandy in my skivvies."

"No, they wouldn't. Because you would still be wearing too many clothes." Sam offered the unimpressed Spectre a look that brokered no arguments. "My logic is sound, Commander. You can't bludgeon your way out of this." Sam opened Shepard's pants, revealing the N7 boxer briefs beneath.

Shepard grinned. "I can bludgeon pretty hard."

Sam cupped Shepard through her boxers, giving a self-satisfied smirk at the hiss she drew out of her. "Oh, I don't doubt that for a second, darling." The heat she could feel radiating from Shepard's core was enough to bring on her second wind. She traced the damp patch with her finger, watching intently as her lover struggled to hold on to her usually unflappable self-control. "Having trouble…?"

"N-no." Shepard realised she had replied all too quickly. _Damnit_. "Maybe… yes."

Traynor tutted, making a haughty noise. She ran her hands up the struts that were Shepard's arms, fingers returning to their earlier positions in the Commander's hair. Sam brought Shepard down for a kiss so soft and gentle it shocked the both of them. "Shepard, _please_, let me in." Her eyes pleaded as much as her tone did. Samantha knew how stressed she was. She hid it well, but she could sense it radiating off her in waves. Not that she could blame Shepard. The threat of Galactic extinction tended to rattle people's cages and Commander Shepard wasn't infallible.

Shepard sighed, head falling against Sam's chest. She groaned when the hand cupping her pulled away, but never protested or put up a fight when Sam slid the same hand into her boxers. Traynor shuddered beneath her lover. The heat was even more intoxicating when flesh was on flesh. She sucked her bottom lip into her mouth. Never in her wildest dreams would Samantha have imagined life bringing her here. Shepard was… so much larger than life. She wielded so much power. Influence possibly greater than that of the Council themselves. And, yet, here she was, in bed with the comms specialist. She was relieved, to say the least. There were far worse people to fall in love with or to be loved by. It was… a _privilege_, Shepard's love. A _treasure_. One Sam _never_ intended to let go of.

"Sam…" Shepard moaned, thrusting forward in an attempt to claim more of her hand. The Specialist moved one hand to touch Shepard's cheek, the other continuing on its teasing path. She could feel the Commander's ragged breaths beating against her breasts. She really did need this.

Samantha slipped her fingers lower, stroking Shepard the way she knew she liked it. She too was wet. It was amazing to think she could affect Shepard in this way. That she had some element of power over the galaxy's most powerful inhabitant. She kissed Shepard's temple, relishing the way Shepard's arms flexed as she ground herself on her hand. Sam reached down, grabbing Shepard's ass, forcing her harder onto her hand. The guttural sound of pleasure she received in return was nothing short of mesmerising.

Traynor couldn't take it. She smoothed the damp, dark hair off Shepard's face, using her spare hand to drag her into a bruising kiss. Her fingers pushed further, slipping inside of Shepard. Sam moaned, reaching above her head to thread hers and Shepard's fingers together.

It was rapturous, the feeling of taking _this_ woman. _Claiming_ her. Shepard belonged to no one but her, which was especially true when Sam was buried inside of her. She soothed Shepard with soft coos and sweet nothings, watching as her jaw rhythmically bunched in time with her thrusts. She pulled the woman down again, letting her bury her face in the crook of her neck.

She was tightening. Reaching her culmination. It filled Sam with so much pride to know it was her giving Shepard this. Perhaps it was barbarian of her, to feel such a claim on Shepard. But Sam couldn't help herself. She curled her fingers, feeling her own core throb in sympathy. Shepard's pants and groans began increasing in pace. She was close. Samantha pulled her in for another kiss, whispering against her lover's lips. "Come for me."

Shepard didn't need to be asked twice. She completely unravelled, fist bunching in the sheet above Traynor's head, the other gripping her hand tightly. She shuddered as she crested, her thrusting becoming erratic. Sam knew she had her now. She held the Spectre close to her chest as the aftershocks passed through her, stroking her hair. Their fingers remained laced together as Shepard collapsed atop her, careful not to crush the Specialist beneath her weight.

Hidden by burying her face in Sam's breasts, she finally managed to let go. Traynor couldn't see due to her cover, but Shepard's face was one of distress.

_What have I done? _She hated herself for this. Sleeping with Traynor, then Liara, then Traynor again. It wasn't right, and it certainly wasn't her style. _Cheating_. That was the long and short of it. And now she had only made things worse. _As if life wasn't hard enough already. I just keep building rods for my own back. _What was Liara going to say? Should she even tell her? Did she assume this was happening, anyway? Shepard had successfully avoided the asari for the best part of a day. And that was a terrible thing to do, too. That had been Liara's first time and now she'll only associate it with being abandoned? Shepard, forgetting where she was, sighed.

"Darling?" Samantha shifted beneath her to look her in the eyes. "What's wrong?" The softness of her voice, the tender facial expression. It was all too much. Shepard was not a crier, but right now, she could really go for it. "_Shepard_?" She pressed, slightly more serious this time.

Shepard's heart seized. The air was stifling. She looked into Traynor's confused gaze. She choked.

"Kaidan kissed me." She blurted, instantly regretting speaking out.

_Silence_. It was somehow deafening. Shepard never thought there would come a time in her life when she would be scared of Samantha Traynor, but the blaze of anger behind her eyes…

"_What_?"

* * *

**A/N: **_Not my best chapter, I know, but I'm working on it. Let me know what you think! And thank you to those of you who have already left reviews. Any feedback is good feedback! _


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